Aging Gracefully

Is a stupid concept. Gracefully? Screw that. Give me Botox and Juvederm. Whatever. I'll do it. I don't want a bunch of sags and lines all over my face I've washed religiously for years to avoid zits, and then wrinkles. All those expensive creams, facials and makeup I've used...why let it just go to waste? I keep my hair up, after all. I keep the Grey covered because if I don't, I'll look like an aging blond Pepe La Pew. You are welcome, world. Once again, you are welcome. I just give and give...I swear.

So, yeah. Today we went to have lunch with my family for my birthday which was yesterday. I'm 45. I don't care who knows. Who gives a crap? I'm obviously not 25, I have a child about to graduate high school, one in college and one who is probably going to be a perpetual freshman in high school. It's very obvious I'm not in my 30s. (Unless I started very early, in which case I would probably be dead because my dad would have murdered me.) I just don't want to look OLDER than I am. There is my rant on anti aging crap. Deal.

So, while we were at lunch, I mentioned that my best friend who lives in another state and I had sort of knocked around the idea of going to Costa Rica during Spring Break. Not like a "Girls Gone Wild" spring break. More of a "tired middle aged women with kids who want to sleep uninterrupted and lay on the beach" spring break. (Lay? Lie? I never can keep it straight.) Anyhow, my brother, who is 41, mind you...he decides that he is the Patriarch of the family, right? He decided this ohhhh, I don't know about 35 years ago or something. He's the boss, right? Wrong. Nobody is the boss of me. He decides to chime in with his sage advice. Here is the conversation in script form to allow for easier understanding:
My One and ONLY (Thank God) sibling: Um, Costa Rica?
Me: Yeah.
Him: You DO realize that you are 45, right?
Me: Duh. Can't get anything past you.
Him: You have kids.
Me: I DO? OhmyGOD!!!
Him: Very funny. You are not a kid.
Me: Really? Do tell. When is your NEXT (as in 50th) trip to DisneyWorld?
Are you gonna dance with Minnie Mouse this time?
Him: *glares at me*
Me: *glares back smugly*
My MOTHER(who butted into the conversation): Who is going to take care of________(my friend's daughter)?
Me: Dunno. I'm not her mother. ___________(my friend) is. My kids will be here with their father. Or you. If they are bad, with you.
Mom: You are not a nice girl.
Me: We've established that.
My brother who really should shut up: Don't you think it's a little irresponsible for you to go running off to party in Costa Rica?
Me: Um, nobody said we were "partying". I did mention "sleeping", though. ALONE. BLISSFULLY, QUIETLY ALONE. See, I'm FORTY FIVE and that is freaking HEAVEN to me.

So, my whole family now thinks I'm selfish because the idea was MENTIONED. No plans have been made, no tickets purchased...nada. They are SO selfish! What will they do when I tell them about my Yoga retreat in Sri Lanka or my Surfing Safari in South America?
One funny thing: My brother compared an aspic dish at the restaurant to the product "Clamato". My son thought he said, "Chlamydia". He was appalled. (My son). I was laughing hysterically, and my brother kept asking me to repeat it because I was trying not to yell "CHLAMYDIA!!!" across the freakin' table. I was mouthing it silently to him and he kept saying crap like, "Clambake?" "What?" "Claptrap? Huh?" and I kept laughing and shaking my head. When I finally got it out, he was disgusted and wanted to know if my son really knew what it was. I asked for him not to get too specific. My son told him that he knew that it was something I'd kill him for. Wise child. I really don't know if my brother knows what it is or not.

I thought it was a plant for years, and told my Mom I had some chlamydia. She freaked out on the phone when I told her and I was mystified as to why she was upset that I had taken an interest in gardening. She was screeching, "WHAT?!?!?! YOU HAVE WHAT?!?!?!" I kept patiently repeating "I have some Chlamydia. I got it today." She kept wigging the hell out. After going back and forth for about 8 hours about it, she finally said, "Wait. Do you mean, CALADIUMS?" and I said, "Yeah, isn't that what I said?" and she said, "NO! You said you had CHLAMYDIA!!!!!" and I said, "Oops, no. I have the plant. Not the disease." Then I probably hung up. I don't remember. Such is my life. A series of misunderstandings and insults. C'est la vie!

Go Gators! (and Clarisonic review...)

It's awesome, I know. My Grandpa Gator is smiling down from Heaven. Again.



Now on to my Clarisonic review. Firstly, the important details: This product is made by the same company that makes the Sonicare toothbrush. The company claims to use "sonic technology" to cleanse your skin by removing makeup and other gunk. It is programmed to run for 60 seconds and that is supposed to be how long it takes to clean your face cleaner than it's ever been. I had seen other reviews of this gadget and was curious about it. I am a sucker for anything remotely related to beauty. I felt guilty(oddly enough) purchasing something this expensive for myself. The Clarisonic facial brush runs around $200. I just couldn't see replacing all the other things I buy at Sephora for that one thing. I will spend that much at Sephora, but I like to get a bunch of stuff! Anyhow, I sent a link to the thing to my husband who is clueless about gift giving. He's a wonderful person. He's an intelligent person. He SUCKS at gift giving. I've finally accepted this and so I either buy myself gifts or take him directly to the thing I want, point to it and say, "Buy that." OH! I did the same thing with the WiiFit. I will have to review that little piece of Heaven some other time. Back to the brush.

What a surprise! I got the Clarisonic for Christmas! Yay! It was even WRAPPED in wrapping paper! I eagerly plugged it in to charge and plastered myself with copious amounts of makeup so that I'd have a good and grody face to scrub in the evening. That evening, I used it for the first time. It comes with the brush head for sensitive skin. There are 3 different brush heads you can buy. I don't think I'd want anything more rough than the sensitive brush, though. My skin is pretty sensitive and will turn red at the least little thing. I used my own DHC facial soap and swirled the brush around on that, then pressed the button.

A three-toned beep sounded and then the brush began humming. In the literature included with the brush, they give you a rough estimate of how long you should use the brush on each "zone" of your face. First, you start with your forehead, then move to a cheek, then another cheek, then the chin, and last, the nose. The brush beeps and pauses very briefly to allow you to change facial areas. This is a feature I like. However, you have to estimate your cheeks so that you clean them both in the alotted time. It's just one time period for both cheeks. This irks me about this. Beep twice. I have two cheeks. Beep twice, for God's sake. How hard would that be? Don't make me freakin' COUNT while I'm enjoying scrubbing out my pores! If I pay this much for a facial brush, and it BEEPS for other areas, then it can at least beep two times for my cheeks. Petty, I know. Oh well.

Of course, you can always press the power button after the brush automatically shuts itself off and have another go at your face if you like. I do like. I do it every time I use the brush. I have decided to let go of the anxiety of counting so I get my whole face scrubbed and I just scrub until I think I should move on. If I run out of time, I press the button and go some more and continue to ignore the beeps. Now, there is an explicit warning against this practice in the manual that comes with the brush. One may OVER brush their face and end up with scabby nastiness instead of dewy glowiness. I have yet to over scrub, though.

I honestly think about this stupid brush during the day and can't wait to get home to use it. I use it in the morning and in the evening. It is supposed to eventually shrink your pore size, and help to minimize fine lines. The company claims that it removes up to 6 times as much makeup as other cleaning methods. That grossed me out. I don't want anything left on my face after I wash it. Another perk of using this wonder of scientific beauty implements is that the company claims use of this brush can assist your skin in better absorption of all of those expensive facial serums and creams that you buy to fend off the steady march of time on your face. Sounds good to me. Does it do that? I don't know. I've been using it for about 2 weeks now, and I love it. I use it in the shower in the morning because the sweet little precious thing is waterproof! I use it at the sink in the evening. I have glorious skin. It's positively radiant. At least, I like to think so.

I wholeheartedly recommend this product. I wish I had had access to it when I was younger. It simply cleans deeply and thoroughly. When I take a cotton ball and toner and go over my face after using the brush, there is nothing on the cotton ball afterwards. With other methods of cleaning, I will still have remnants of makeup or oil or some disgusting thing on the cotton ball. Who wants to go to bed with that unidentifiable crap on their face? Not me. I know that when I put on my myriad anti-wrinkle potions that there is nothing between the product and my skin.

When looking in my gigantic bazillion X magnifying mirror, I can see my clean little pores. No gunk in them. No desperately applied concealer left in the small creases near my eyes. Just clean, smooth skin. With way too many lines on it. And what is that mole? Was that there before? Oh God, what is the thing you're supposed to look for in skin cancer? Moles that change size? Moles that weren't there before? Wait. Maybe it's a freckle. I get freckles. Not as many now as I did as a kid, but I do get them. Maybe it's a freckle. I'll try to scrub it off with my brush.

The Clarisonic Skincare Brush is available through Sephora.com; Ulta; Be Beautiful; and other retailers. The price is approximately $200. It is available in pink, graphite gray and white. Replacement brush heads will run you about $25 and you will need to replace your brush head every couple of months.