Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Neurotic

So, I've been referred to as "neurotic" more than once. You may substitute the word "eccentric" or perhaps "odd" or "strange" or "weird" if you wish. Either way, I'm different. Recently I posted things I love. Now, I'm going the opposite way. I'm going to post a list (no doubt a partial list, as it grows daily) of things I either strongly dislike or things that make me CRAZY.
So, let's kick it off with:
1. People who make noises. Yeah. Noises. Breathing loudly, chewing loudly, coughing a lot, sniffling, cracking knuckles, flipping pages in a quiet room, chairs scraping across floors, you name the sound, I get highly agitated by it.

2. Stinky food. In particular, people who eat stinky food around other people. Don't bring your damned chicken wings to our staff meeting and slurp and eat that stank. Please. Don't by a sub sandwich with banana peppers, onions and green peppers and sit down next to me. I will barf, more than likely. Cornnuts. Those stink to high heavens. I hate them. Funyuns smell like ass. Onion-y ass, but ass nonetheless. Too much garlic. Too much alcohol.

3. Smoking. Just ew. Please. It's foolish and disgusting. It stinks, it is damaging to those around you and it's just all around repulsive.

4. Loud talkers. You know the ones. They cannot whisper to save their lives. They holler everything. You have a headache after a conversation with one. Everything they have to say is of the UTMOST importance, too. My ass. Shut up, why don't you? I guarantee you the people around you are sick of your loud assed voice always blabbing away.

5. Close standers. Don't invade my personal space. I have a LOT of personal space, and I'll call in an air strike if you invade it. Keep your distance. Step away, keep your hands where I can see them. Don't get too close. You might have bad breath, or I might be able to see your skin pores. That will make me gag.

6. Close talkers. This is sort of a blend of loud talkers and close standers. Step away from me to talk. Tone it down, while you're at it. Unless you and I are VERY close, please keep a minimum of distance of a couple of feet while speaking with me. Come on. It's only polite. Have some manners, why don't you?

7. People who spit. Just don't. Spitting is nasty. My Daddy has always opened his car doors at stop lights, leaned out and spit onto the street. Why? He has never chewed tobacco or anything, he just seems to either A. enjoy spitting in public, or B. has a major mucus issue going on. Either way, nobody wants to see your slimy glob of spit.

8. Public poopers. Seriously? Can you not hold it until you get home? Or at least somewhere where nobody else will be attempting to use the facilities after you are finished foully polluting the air? I can only do it at home. With doors shut and locked and Mercury probably has to be in retrograde or in the seventh house or some shit. Conditions have to be optimal. I don't get these people who go take a dump while at a restaurant or at the mall or at work. Nobody wants to go in there when you are finished.

9. Hair in areas it isn't supposed to be. Case in point: hair on a bar of soap. I will gag and end up vomiting if I see that. Hair in the shower. Drains in general. Hell, bathrooms that need cleaning in general. But hairs will put me over the edge.

10. Incorrect grammar. People who "axe" me a question or people who say, "we be going to the WalMart." Ooh! Another bad one is: "I seen you last weekend at the Walmart." Don't do this. It's called English. Learn it. Get to know it. It's your mother tongue. (if you are not American you can feel free to give yourself a bit of leeway, but I've never heard a non native speaker use the effed up grammar that kids use now.)

11. Saying words incorrectly or using them incorrectly. The word is "supposedly". It's not "supposably". Seriously. How about, "Liberry" instead of "library". Do "Liberrians" come from Liberia? Do they bake "Liberry Pies"? Come on. The word is "specific", not "Pacific". That would be an ocean. Totally different deal, there.
The phrase is, "For all intents and purposes." It is NOT "For all intensive purposes". Unless, of course, your purpose is quite intensive, then I guess it would be correct.

12. People not knowing when to use "me and him" or "him and me" or "him and I". There are rules. Learn them. It's not hard, I swear.

13. Cops asking me my weight when they pull me over. WTF is up with THAT shit? Well, I lied my ass off. So there.

14. People who wear colored contacts. They don't look good. They look weird. You look like a reptile/cat alien breed. Stop it.

15. Touchy-Feely people. Don't touch me. Ever. I don't like to be touched. Don't hug me when you see me every freakin' day. Don't put your arm around me, don't "massage" my shoulders after sneaking up behind me, don't give me a high five, don't knuckle knock me...just keep your body parts to yourself, and I'll do the same.

16. People who don't know the difference between "affect" and "effect". People who don't know the difference between "capital" 'and "capitol". People who dictionary, people.

17. People who make excuses.

18. Liars
19. Saying the word, "like" every few words when you speak. You sound uneducated. Stop it.
20. Loud, sudden noises. They make me cry like a little girl.

I'm sure there's much more. That is it for now, though.