Sunday, December 26, 2010

It's finally over.

Christmas, that is. Don't get me wrong, I like it as much as any other non-Christian celebrant. I love the tree, the decorations, the smells, the food and the presents and family. We don't talk about the baby Jesus or anything, and we never have. I'm not sure I even knew the supposed significance of the holiday until I was an adult. But, I enjoy the tradition and my Mom always throws her feet out in the decorating and cooking areas. Seriously. Christmas toilet paper, even.

At any rate, I was very good this year, because I got two excellent gifts from my husband. The first was the Flip camera. I love that thing. It's perfect. It's small, easy, and you can take video and then capture stills from the video very easily. No memory cards, you just plug into your UBS port and it uploads. Of course, it runs on Double A batteries, and my big complaint about digital cameras is that they run through batteries very quickly, but it's okay.

Then, I got the Clarisonic Opal. If you know me, you know I'm vain. My husband knows me. It's a small gadget that has a small silicone applicator that you put their eye serum on and it sonically applies it to your undereye skin. According to studies (on their site, of course), it will get the serum further into the epidermis than without it. Looked convincing. I don't care what science has said before about cremes actually penetrating the dermis. I like it. My eye puffiness is decreasing and I am pretty sure the crow's feet are, too. Plus, I trust the company because I love my Clarisonic skin care system so much I wish I could use it all day long. Same with my toothbrush.
Two thumbs up for both products from me.

Our kids got what they wanted, my husband got what he wanted, and I think everyone was happy, all in all. I did not get inebriated at our family dinner, and I ate food. I did not crawl into anyone's bed, although I considered crawling into my brother's just to piss him off. I even brought the accursed ham and a peppermint cheesecake, both of which I made with my own two hands. Take that, world. Suck it.

Now, I'm looking for good sales so I can buy other crap. I really like Philosophy's "Falling In Love" perfume. It's rare for me to like any perfume, let alone be able to wear it and tolerate it. I can wear any of the Hermes' perfumes, and get no headache. I think the Prada Infusion d'Iris is okay, as well. And I have twice sniffed "Falling in Love", and got no signs of a headache. This leads me to believe God wishes for me to purchase it.

I also plan on getting some new boots, as I cannot go more than a couple of months without boots of some kind. I need something new to read, so I might drive to Barnes and Nobles, although that's a pain in my ass. I would like some Tom's shoes, but would rather not pay for them, to be honest. I got my hair done, so that's not an issue. Hmmmm...I'm waiting for Netflix to send me Disc Two of the last season of The Tudors. We've seen Disc One and have Disc Three, but aren't going to watch Disc three before we've seen Disc Two, for the love. How stupid. So we wait. Oh, I have another present coming from Jerusalem, my husband said. It's just taking a lot longer, (duh), and I can't wait to see what it is.

I could go grab my Mom and niece and daughter and drive to Austin to the Domain and see what damage we could do there. (Probably a lot.) My overwhelming laziness is battling my almost overpowering materialism...it's an epic struggle. I feel torn.
A mani/pedi would be nice, but again...I don't feel like screaming, "What?" and "Pardon me"? to a masked person speaking in a tonal language to someone across the room for 2 hours. Also, I am not in a mood for small talk, and they LOVE to small talk, although you can't understand them. It's so tiring. Just shut up, do my feet and let me relax.

Botox is needed, but if I do it, I fear Wally may maim me. We could go to a movie, but there are people there. They eat popcorn loudly, and slurp their sodas, plus usually there is some jackhole nearby wearing a bottle of Axe or some such shit and I end up with a headache. Thank you, ill mannered, Axe wearing Assclown.

Oh, and if you are reading this and you know how to knit socks with the 5 double pointed needles, please contact me. I cannot for the life of me handle those needles, and can't slide stitches from the cast on needle to the other needles and then don't know where to start knitting. It's making me insane. Seriously. There is a new Yarn Shop here, but it's Sunday, so I'm assuming they are closed. Otherwise, I'd go, buy whatever they wanted and beg for a lesson. I have yet to conquer that. I've made sweaters, hats, scarves, headbands, cowls, a cat bed, (yes I knit a cat bed for my niece) and other things, but no socks or gloves because I cannot use those damned double pointed needles.
I have small hands, and maybe that's the problem. They don't reach all over the place to hold those needles, I don't know, but it's driving me nuts.

If I don't come back to uselessly complain and bitch, have a great New Year!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Ne Derangez Pas

Fin

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Hey. Hi. Whatever. It's that time of year again. Christmas. I really am growing to dislike it. People are rude, they are everywhere you go and they are impatient. Those qualities usually belong to me exclusively, and I don't appreciate sharing them with the public at large.

Anyhow, our kids are all home from school, as am I. My son has strep throat and mine hurts. Yippee. What a great present. We have an insanely huge amount of presents under our tree and this year I got it all done way ahead of time. Yay for me.

I really don't have too much to add, but after Christmas dinner, I'm sure I will. Perhaps even photos to go along with it. Some Xanax and wine and it will be a fun day for me. I might get another snooze in on my Mom's bed like I did on Thanksgiving. That was some good sleepin'.

PLUS, I still waiting on THREE separate gifts I ordered from a company called "The Daily Grommet". I am displeased with them in the extreme. These were Christmas gifts. I got one of the missing gifts, but three are still missing. I emailed them and they assured me they were looking into it. That was after two emails. Now, no further communication. Be warned if you use the Daily Grommet, the company "Violet Love" and "Sneakart" and it seems like there was another one. I got the belt from Jon Wye, so that is okay. But the others, I'm not pleased with at all. Be warned.

I have nothing left to say, so goodnight, ya perverts. (Points if you know what book that was from. )

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Happy, Merry Whatever

I know you've all been waiting anxiously for me to get around to blogging about my festive life. Sorry. Oh well.

Anyhow, I've been working on writing, working on teaching kids and just plain working on all the regular stuff everyone works on at this time of year.

I did get sorta drunk on Thanksgiving and evidently make many promises to my mother which I have no memory of. Her claims have been corroborated by both my husband and daughter. Strangely, I'm not ashamed of myself. It takes 5 Xanax and a bottle of Reisling to handle Thanksgiving with my family. Now, to pay penance, I have to bring a ham of all things to Christmas. I also took many strange pictures whilst inebriated, but perhaps I'll post those later. Most of them are very close up pictures of my Mom's walls. Why? I liked the new wall colors and wanted documentation of them so I could duplicate them at home. Problem is, when you get millimeters away from a wall, all of the colors pretty much look like a grey shadow. So there ya go.
After drunkenly careening around the house, digging my finger through the sweet potatoes and claiming the marshmallows as "MINE!", and then doing the same thing to the meringue on the chocolate pie, I evidently quietly snuck off to my Mom's room, crawled under her covers and went to sleep. Festive, no? By the word "meringue" I mean the whipped egg whites and sugar, not the dance. I'm not sure how to spell which one. Either way, I mean the egg white things.
So, there's a brief update. I've not traveled, which pisses me off royally. I've worked. I've worked and worked and worked and disgraced my family at Thanksgiving. My work here is done. For now.

Stay tuned for Christmas festivities!
Love,
The dinner guest you don't want

http://www.kdhnews.com/news/story.aspx?s=47382

http://www.kdhnews.com/news/story.aspx?s=47382