Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That and a Whole Lot of Fail.

People. Seriously. I have been an organizing, cleaning, re-doing machine. My bedroom looks like it is in a completely different house. It's amazing what a little Pinterest will do for you. Feel free to follow me on Pinterest. I'm on there constantly. I adore it. Thank you to the inventors of Pinterest.

Other than that, I've been enjoying being on break for the past few weeks. I needed it badly. I have become obsessed with watching Youtube videos by people like Jenna Marbles and some of the "beauty gurus". However, the best persons to watch is Lisa Eldridge. She is a makeup artist from the UK. She is amazing. She has a website: LisaEldridge.com. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about skincare, get resources for where to buy hard to find products or just learn how to do specific makeup looks. She is amazing.

Both of my sons are in summer school. Yay me for being a great parent. My daughter will graduate early from the University of Texas at Austin. Yay for me being a great parent! (She is completely self-motivated. I suck.)
Actually, one of my sons is in college and taking classes because he wants to. He also needs to get ready to transfer to a larger school.

The youngest? Ahhhh...the baby of the family. Our "scholar". He has gone to summer school (not voluntarily) for the past what...three years? I can't remember now. Why? In a word: Espanol. He no hablas it. No matter that we live in a state that borders Mexico. No matter that I was actually raised on the Mexican border. No matter that he is part Spaniard. No matter that most people around here speak SOME Spanish. No matter that my huband and I spoke only Spanish to him for like a MONTH! He will not do it. Not my boy. Oh, no. Not him. Well, just for that, he is going to both sessions of Summer School so he can get the hell out of Spanish II.

You see, the TEACHERS are always SO mean to him! They NEVER get his grades RIGHT! The always LOSE his assignments or for some inexplicable reason, they just DON'T GRADE THEM. Otherwise he'd totally ACE freakin' Spanish. Has that child lost his damned mind? I'm a teacher, for the love of God! He tells me what the school district's policy is on this or that, and I tell him, "Um, I work for them...I KNOW the policy and you are WRONG."

Now before people say we don't hold him accountable, allow me to list for you the methods we have tried in order to keep his feet to the fire in school:

Tutoring. Not just tutoring at school, but we foolishly paid for a month of a national chain who guarantees to raise your child's reading level a full grade level who ripped us off astonishingly. Before you take your child there, allow me to warn you. They give their own battery of "pre tests" to asses where your child's reading and math levels are at the time. They then come out and tell you to hang your head in shame because your child who is say in 8th grade is reading on a 2nd grade level. WHAT? HUH? They then GUARANTEE a rise in ability. How? Why? Are they magicians? No. They low ball your child's ability and then come back and say, "DUDE! YOUR KID TOTALLY IS READING ON ALMOST THE RIGHT LEVEL, NOW! GIVE US TWO GRAND MORE, AND WE'LL KEEP UP THE MAGIC!!" Screw that. I asked to see what tests they used and they wouldn't show me. Then I told them I was a teacher and asked what the names of the assessments were. There are several pretty universally accepted methods of testing and of course, none of them were used. PLUS, someone charged gay porn on the credit card I used there and that is THE ONLY PLACE I HAVE EVER USED IT EVER. I told them that and they quit calling me begging me to bring my son and money back to them. I have no proof. That's just my story.

Then, we threatened. No good.

Took away privileges. Cell phone? No. I had parental limits set on it and it only was able to dial my number, his father's number and 911. It could only accept calls from those numbers, as well. He couldn't text and the thing totally shut off after 9 pm everyday.

Video games? Took them all out of his room. We didn't say, "don't play video games". We took them out. We put them in our room.

Well, that left his computer which I foolishly thought he needed for school. What? School? HAHAHAH! That is what was going on in his head. "HAHAHA! THAT IDIOT THINKS I USE IT FOR THAT PLACE I GO SEE MY FRIENDS EVEYDAY!!" I took the computer out.

Did he study? Nope. He would do NOTHING rather than study.

We suspected him of having hidden entertainment. We took HIS DOOR OFF IT'S HINGES. He really flipped at that. He needed PRIVACY. We hung a transparent sheet over his doorway so nobody would see him doing nothing.

Then, we discovered that he had squirreled away an old Gameboy and games somewhere. Took it away. Then, we discovered he had squirreled away an old Ipod. Took it away. Gave him chores. Made him read. I did buy books if he expressed an interest because the child hated reading, and as a teacher, I cannot say no if a child wants to read.

Now, he is 16. He will be a Junior this coming year. Both of his siblings graduated with honors and scholarships. His sister was #3 in her class. His brother was in the top 10%. Not the scholar, though. Is he bothered by this? Seemingly not. He says things like, "Hey! I almost passed! Can we go celebrate?" By the way, when he was younger, we had him tested for EVERYTHING. I mean, full Special Ed. testing, Scetopic Sensitivity, you name it. Nada. They all said the same thing...YOUR CHILD IS LAZY. He is.

We don't compare him to his siblings, unless I am making the point that obviously being capable of learning runs in the family. I realize they are three totally different people, with different abilities, interests and choices.

HOWEVER, clearly he has the ability. He is in Honors History and has a crazy wild ability with it. The boy is smart. The boy is lazy. Now, he cannot go to Chicago to his father's house for the summer because of summer school. Bam! That will show him! Wrong. He's good. No Driver's Ed. for you! That means no driving! That means no car! BOOM! Nope. He's fine.

He has an amazing sense of humor, wonderful personality and is very very good looking. His eyes are works of art. Huge blue eyes with LOOONG curly black eyelashes. (He did not get these from me. I can claim no credit. He has his father's eyes.) He has a wonderful smile, I mean, this kid could go FAR. As my husband says, "He is the type of guy that ends up being the CEO of a company and playing golf all day and having people like our other two kids working their asses off for him." Bingo. Let's face it. Charisma and looks can get you pretty far in our world.

He has mentioned he might like to be a Police Officer. Well, I have mixed feelings about that. My husband was a cop for 25 years. My brother is a cop in a large city and does high risk crap. He has mentioned the military. No. Sorry. We've lost two of our family. We've given enough. All of the men in my family have served, and two have died in battle. We're done. We are Army all the way, but sorry. No more. One of the men who died was my cousin who was SO much like my son. However, he rose through the ranks amazingly fast. He was a Ranger, and went even further. He then was sent to Iraq where he was killed. He was my age. He had an infant son. He left a grieving widow and a huge family who was knocked flat by the loss. That was 9 years ago and we haven't recovered. No more. Sorry, America.

So. If any of you know how to get a 16 year old motivated, feel free to let me know. Yes, my brother the hard assed cop has been all over him. Yes, his father has. Yes, his step father has. Yes, his grandparents have. And, yes...I have. All the time.

I didn't intend this post to be about my frustration with my baby. It just turned out that way. My writing does that. Starts out with one intention and then takes on it's own life and does exactly as it pleases.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

What I Witnessed Today. In a word: SHOCKING

So, yeah.  Hi.  Today, I had to run some errands and my husband, sensing an opportunity to fake me into entering that black hole that is Wal-mart, asked me to pick up some "Gorilla Glue".  You know, everyone needs that shit.  Gorilla Glue.  It will change your damned life.  Google that shit.  So, because I am a sweet, kind and loving wife, (and because he was busy laying the new floor for our bedroom and I didn't want to piss him off), I went to Wal-freaking-mart.  

Once again, I was reminded why I do not enter that vile place.  Firstly, allow me to say that it is filthy.  Not just cluttered because kids have been playing with crap that their parents aren't buying, but filthy as in dirty.  I saw dead roaches and shit.  Well, not actual SHIT, but stuff.  Secondly, don't these people have jobs?  I am a teacher, so I have the summer off, but the rest of these people, I am telling you right now, are NOT teachers.  Most teachers don't walk around wearing tank tops that are cut really low on the sides under your arms and no bra.  No.  We don't do that.  Most teachers don't have that malady that I refer to as "lake feet". You know, someone who spends their time at some man made filthy lake and their feet are all funky and you can see their heels are black and cracked.  No, we lie in order to carve out time for pedicures.  It evens out. 
Third, I don't like listening to the employees of an establishment complain to each other about OTHER employees of the establishment.  Save that shit for Happy Hour, please.  Fourth, when I enter your checkout lane, you damned well better say "Hi" or "Hello".  Acknowledge me for the love of God.  I'm giving you job security, you asshat.  Don't just scan my items and never say a word to me, then turn the little pole with my digital printout of the amount due to face me.  Seriously.  Yeah, I know I might be boring compared to the troglodyte with her boobs hanging out of the sides of her tank top, but all I needed was some freaking Gorilla Glue!  
Now, we come to something that really and truly all kidding aside disturbed me.  I was standing in an aisle with lotions and crap.  I was studiously perusing the selection of lotions for males that don't smell like ass and will moisturize their hands because one of my sons get's really dry skin.   So, I'm debating which brand to buy and I hear a man say through clenched teeth "I SAID NO!  NOW STOP IT!!!!"  I figured it was a parent pushed past their limits by their child.  I turned and it was a very large man and a very small woman.  He was up in her face, with his finger extended pointing into her face and he was spitting out words from between his clenched teeth.  He finally said, "ENOUGH!  NO MORE!"  I was mortified for the poor woman and was looking for some people to join me in a lynch mob, but sadly everyone was buying Otter Pops and zit medicine and couldn't be bothered.  The lady slumped along behind her indignant husband and I didn't see them again.  It was verbally abusive.  He was crazed.  She said nothing at all.  She just stood there.  I wanted to holler, "Honey, it ain't worth it!  Get out now!  I'll give you a drive to a motel!"  But I didn't.  I feel like an asshole for it, too.  I should have said something.  Having been in a similar situation in a previous relationship, though, I know it would have done no good. 
She followed him off into the produce section, and I hope she poisoned whatever food they bought and he is now foaming at the mouth and slowly expiring.  What an asshole. 

On a nicer note, my bedroom is getting redone.  We tore everything out, and painted.  Now, we're laying the cherrywood floor.  Talk about a pain in the ASS. Anyhow, we will put the new furniture in after that.  It's going to be perfection, or we will simply have to rip it out and redo it again.  Meanwhile, we're camped out in our daughter's old room.  I got top bunk.  Not really bunk, but it's a trundle and dude is sleeping in the trundle and we didn't pull it up.  All this means we are at the other side of the house WITH the boys.  They HAVE to go to sleep at a reasonable hour with us right here.  Ha.  Our dogs are afraid to come in, so they keep coming to the doorway, looking at us in a confused fashion and wandering off again.  Probably to pee in the kitchen AGAIN.  I am obsessively watching You Tube videos on organizing and makeup and stuff and started watching videos on grooming your own dogs.  Maybe that's next.  Am I going anywhere this summer?  Le sigh.  Not that I am aware of.  I do have the beginning and middle of August free, so maybe I will.  We'll see.  
To da loo, bitches!