Wednesday, June 6, 2012

What I Witnessed Today. In a word: SHOCKING

So, yeah.  Hi.  Today, I had to run some errands and my husband, sensing an opportunity to fake me into entering that black hole that is Wal-mart, asked me to pick up some "Gorilla Glue".  You know, everyone needs that shit.  Gorilla Glue.  It will change your damned life.  Google that shit.  So, because I am a sweet, kind and loving wife, (and because he was busy laying the new floor for our bedroom and I didn't want to piss him off), I went to Wal-freaking-mart.  

Once again, I was reminded why I do not enter that vile place.  Firstly, allow me to say that it is filthy.  Not just cluttered because kids have been playing with crap that their parents aren't buying, but filthy as in dirty.  I saw dead roaches and shit.  Well, not actual SHIT, but stuff.  Secondly, don't these people have jobs?  I am a teacher, so I have the summer off, but the rest of these people, I am telling you right now, are NOT teachers.  Most teachers don't walk around wearing tank tops that are cut really low on the sides under your arms and no bra.  No.  We don't do that.  Most teachers don't have that malady that I refer to as "lake feet". You know, someone who spends their time at some man made filthy lake and their feet are all funky and you can see their heels are black and cracked.  No, we lie in order to carve out time for pedicures.  It evens out. 
Third, I don't like listening to the employees of an establishment complain to each other about OTHER employees of the establishment.  Save that shit for Happy Hour, please.  Fourth, when I enter your checkout lane, you damned well better say "Hi" or "Hello".  Acknowledge me for the love of God.  I'm giving you job security, you asshat.  Don't just scan my items and never say a word to me, then turn the little pole with my digital printout of the amount due to face me.  Seriously.  Yeah, I know I might be boring compared to the troglodyte with her boobs hanging out of the sides of her tank top, but all I needed was some freaking Gorilla Glue!  
Now, we come to something that really and truly all kidding aside disturbed me.  I was standing in an aisle with lotions and crap.  I was studiously perusing the selection of lotions for males that don't smell like ass and will moisturize their hands because one of my sons get's really dry skin.   So, I'm debating which brand to buy and I hear a man say through clenched teeth "I SAID NO!  NOW STOP IT!!!!"  I figured it was a parent pushed past their limits by their child.  I turned and it was a very large man and a very small woman.  He was up in her face, with his finger extended pointing into her face and he was spitting out words from between his clenched teeth.  He finally said, "ENOUGH!  NO MORE!"  I was mortified for the poor woman and was looking for some people to join me in a lynch mob, but sadly everyone was buying Otter Pops and zit medicine and couldn't be bothered.  The lady slumped along behind her indignant husband and I didn't see them again.  It was verbally abusive.  He was crazed.  She said nothing at all.  She just stood there.  I wanted to holler, "Honey, it ain't worth it!  Get out now!  I'll give you a drive to a motel!"  But I didn't.  I feel like an asshole for it, too.  I should have said something.  Having been in a similar situation in a previous relationship, though, I know it would have done no good. 
She followed him off into the produce section, and I hope she poisoned whatever food they bought and he is now foaming at the mouth and slowly expiring.  What an asshole. 

On a nicer note, my bedroom is getting redone.  We tore everything out, and painted.  Now, we're laying the cherrywood floor.  Talk about a pain in the ASS. Anyhow, we will put the new furniture in after that.  It's going to be perfection, or we will simply have to rip it out and redo it again.  Meanwhile, we're camped out in our daughter's old room.  I got top bunk.  Not really bunk, but it's a trundle and dude is sleeping in the trundle and we didn't pull it up.  All this means we are at the other side of the house WITH the boys.  They HAVE to go to sleep at a reasonable hour with us right here.  Ha.  Our dogs are afraid to come in, so they keep coming to the doorway, looking at us in a confused fashion and wandering off again.  Probably to pee in the kitchen AGAIN.  I am obsessively watching You Tube videos on organizing and makeup and stuff and started watching videos on grooming your own dogs.  Maybe that's next.  Am I going anywhere this summer?  Le sigh.  Not that I am aware of.  I do have the beginning and middle of August free, so maybe I will.  We'll see.  
To da loo, bitches! 

No comments: