Thursday, May 30, 2013

And the countdown begins...

So, hey there. I haven't written in so long because, well...I've been insanely busy with work. It's the end of the school year and we have so much to do it isn't even rational. I get emails multiple times a day that are very cryptic. An example;

Make sure you have your EOY spreadsheet with EOY grade and information in my box this afternoon. Thank you.

Okay. Let's break this down: Number one: EOY means "End of Year". Number two: I cannot put in information I do not yet have...like oh...say...GRADES for the end of the year. I can't enter attendance, I can't produce awards for perfect attendance because some kid might decide not to show up the last three days or something. THIRDLY: I've sent this data and copied it and saved it and discussed it ad infinitum.

Other teachers and I send emails back and forth that say thing like:
Me: Seriously? Did I get ANOTHER demand for this?
Friend: Yes. I think we'll get about 500 more.
Me: I need to teach.
Friend: Me, too. They don't want to learn.
Me: Mine, either.
Friend: Can we have them paste things?
Me: No paste allowed.

We are tired. I mean, we love kids. We love teaching. We are BURNT.THE.HELL.OUT. now, though. If I have ONE MORE KID TELL ME THAT SOMEONE ROLLED THEIR EYES AT THEM, I will permanently keep my eyes in a rolled position.

I understand that parents are worn out, too. I'm a parent, as well. However, since I've seen both sides...I'll tell you this: being the teacher sucks WAY more at this point than being the parent. The endless reports, the repetitive clerical tasks, the never ending assemblies...all the while, we are supposed to continue teaching and assessing children. But wait! For the EDUCATIONAL value, we are taking this grade level to ....the movies! But don't show any movies in class. That's what all those movies in the library are for. NOT showing. SHOWING them is wrong, inappropriate and HIGHLY ILLEGAL. (not)

Then, when you think you might see a wee spot of light at the endless tunnel of despair, you are called into the principal's office (way worse when you are an adult) and get asked if you had the kids give you a freakin' FOOT MASSAGE.

Me: *staring blankly*
Principal: Well, did you?
Me: Bahahahah! You're joking, right?
Principal: Actually, no. There are things being said.
Me: What THINGS?
Principal: You cuss in class.
Me: Oh no I don't!
Principal: I feel sure you do.
Me: Well, I am informing you that I do NOT do that.
Principal; *stares at me*
Me: *stares back*

As one of my students says: Let me break this down for you: I don't want them too close to me, let alone TOUCHING me. If they don't give me a full leg and foot massage with nice smelling salts in the water and perfectly paint the toenails, I am not interested.

That goes back and forth while insane allegations are thrown around that really sound like they were thought up two seconds ago. "It is being said that your husband doesn't wear pants when he comes up here."
Me: BAHAHAHAHAH!!! NO REALLY!
Principal; Well, does he?
Me: Number one, you see him. Number two, really???? Number three: He wears shorts. Holy crap. Does my husband wear pants? THIS one is getting written down in my "Holy Shit" book.

It would be highly comical if it wasn't so horrible. However, when someone wants to get you, they get pretty desperate if there's nothing wrong with your job performance.

I will have you know that there are five days of school left. Hallelujah and praise the lord. Pass the plate or whatever it is people say.

Will I miss these students? Of course. Will I mourn the end of the year? No. damned. way.

Of course, we have many great things to discuss about the kids, too. On one paper, there was a question where the student had to write in a short answer. The question was how did the anglo settlers attempt to get along with the Mexican government. One kid wrote: "They said please kill me." WHAT???? I don't even know what that means!

Or, which of these needs sunlight to produce it's food? A. Rabbit B. Sunfish C. Duck D. Water Lily.
DOOOYYYYY. Obviously it's SUNFISH because it has the word SUN in it's name! You could hear my head banging on my desk a mile away.

Anyhow, this group is finished. I've done my best. I swear to God, I've done my best. Now, it's time to turn them back over to you. Good luck and Godspeed.