Sunday, October 16, 2011

Flypaper for Freaks

So, the other day I told you about the moaner in the parking lot. Well, yesterday, I had to take my husband, Sanford to the hospital for an operation. While I was nervously waiting in the waiting room, and watching the various bizarre incarnations of humanity, a man walked up to me. I was minding my OWN business. I was checking email. So, here is how it went...remember...I don't like people. I REALLY don't like people I don't know.

Me: *absorbed in email or angry birds or something*
Strange man: Hello lady.
(already this is not starting well...)
Me: Uhhh..
Man: I notice you use small computer...(he spoke in broken English and appeared to be middle eastern.)
Me: Um, yes.
Man: Is true is really computer? I can do business on it?
Me: Well, yes. I use mine more than my laptop, probably. I love it.
Man: I call Dell...Dell? Is that name? Dell? And they tell me things and want much money.
Me: Oh. Mine's an IPad.
Man: An I...what?
Me: IPad. Apple makes it.
Man: Oh. I see. How much does it cost? (RUDE!)
Me: Oh, I don't really remember, I've had it awhile...a few hundred, I think.
Man: I notice your star on your neck.
Me: Wha?
(he switched gears with no warning at all...)
Man: You wear Star of David on your neck. I am your cousin.
Me: *blink blink*
Man: We are cousins.
Me: I don't think we are. I know my cousins.
Man: No. I mean, I am one of your people.
Me: (mistakenly thinking he was Jewish..) Oh! Okay...
Man: I. Am. Palestinian.
Me: *blink* Uhhh..oh. Ok. Not really cousins, then.
Man: Yes. Cousins. People don't understand us. We are all same. Christian, Jewish, Muslim...
Me: Well, yeah, Israel is a busy place. I'm a Zionist.
Man: I am Jamal.
Me: Hello.
Man: Okay, goodbye.

SERIOUSLY? In a hospital waiting room? Claiming to be my "cousin"? Sorry, my cousins don't kill Jews in their homeland. Blech. I was watching over my shoulder the rest of the time, too. I kept expecting him to come running in with a bomb strapped to his check shouting "Allah Al Akbar" or however they say it. He disappeared, though. Cousin, my ass. Bless his little dark Palestinian heart.

So, back to my husband. Sanford is stone cold deaf in his right ear. He has always had ear issues. Drainage, annoying clearing of throat and snorting snot...you know...guy stuff. Plus, he is always hollering, "WHAT?" and it gets annoying. Plus, it's more annoying for him because he never knows what's going on.
So, after a rather invasive procedure a couple of years ago called a "Mastoidectomy" where they drilled out part of his lower skull, they now have decided to in essence rebuild his eardrum with cartilage from his other ear. His Eustachian tubes don't work for whatever reason, so a new way to drain had to be created. His ears were completely filled with fluid. So, it was a fairly routine procedure, it is outpatient, and no complications were expected.

After they let me sit with him and help him change into his gown and comfort him, they took him off, and sent me down to the waiting room. I had a "tracking number" that I could check on a flat screen, sort of like an airport. It told me if he was in pre op, surgery, recovery, etc. It has an estimated time, and it's pretty nice. Every little while, my name was called, and I'd go up to the desk and the lady would tell me the nurse had sent a message down saying that everything was going well, and he was doing great. I wasn't terribly worried. After about 2 hours, they had me meet with the surgeon in a private room and he told me it was fine, it all went according to plan and Sanford was doing great. He said as soon as he got out of recovery, I could go up. Great. I'm anticipating like what, 1/2 hour or so? An hour goes by. No word. Another hour goes by, no word. Finally, they call my name again. Only this time, a strange woman was waiting for me. She very matter of factly said, "Mrs. Freeman? Your husband isn't waking up from the anesthesia. We are monitoring him and trying to bring him out of it, but he is still in recovery. He had a mild seizure, and we're trying to wake him up. Okay? Bye."
I stood there in a crowded waiting room and never felt so alone. I couldn't get to him, I couldn't get more information, I didn't know why he wouldn't wake up and what the hell was going on.

I sat back down to wait thinking, well, it will be a minute or so, and they'll call me. An hour goes by. Nothing. I start getting very scared. My friends are texting me asking me how he is, and I don't know what to say. FINALLY, they page me again and tell me I can go up.

I go up, I find him and he is OUT OF IT. He was awake, but glassy eyed and acted like he just got out of surgery instead of having been out for about 3 hours. He was sort of talking nonsense from the drugs, and kept asking questions over and over. His voice is very raspy from them taking the breathing tube out. They said he tried to talk when they did it, so it may have scraped his vocal cords. He remembers none of it. I was so relieved, I started crying just a little bit. Then, finally a nurse came in to give me discharge instructions. I asked about the seizure and why he wouldn't wake up. Answer: We don't know. Great. Then they said, "Maybe it wasn't a real seizure, but his whole body was....seizing.." Well, hell...that sounds like a seizure! He has no history of that, either. I was able to bring him home a short time later, and he has been resting ever since. He had the exact same anesthesiologist he had during his first surgery, too.

Hopefully, our medical issues, both his and mine are over. Please God, don't let anyone else I love have to have anything done. What a helpless feeling it is.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Step Off Me!

Okay, so today I made a little pit stop at a liquor store to see if they had this particular wine I adore. It was daylight. I was in a part of town not far from home, and in a place that is populated.

By the way, the jackholes didn't have my wine. Anyhow, I go inside. I begin looking. I can find wine. I can read. However, it is someone's job to jump up in front of me and holler, "HI ! CAN I HELP YOU FIND ANYTHING?" I wanted to say, "Yes, do you carry wine?" Because I was you know...in a huge wine store. There was nothing but bottles of wine as far as the eye could see.
I instead said, "No, thank you. I'm just looking."
Liquor guy: "Whatcha lookin' for?"
Me: "Um, a particular wine from a winery my husband and I like..."
Liquor dude: "What winery?"
Me: "Um, it's near Fredericksburg..."
Liquor Dude: "Oh! FREDERICKBURG! Yeah, yeah...a TEXAS wine! Yeah..."
Me: "Yes."
Dude: "What winery?"
Me: "Grape Creek".
Dude: "Don't recognize it. You sure?"
Me: "Um, yes. I was in their monthly shipment deal and received wine every month for a long time....I've been there a couple of times, so I'm pretty sure."
Dude: "Yeah..hmmm...doesn't sound familiar...but here are some other Texas wines.."
Me: "Yeah. I see. Oh well...I guess I'll just order it..."
Dude: "Wait! We can special order it for you!"
Me: "Oh, no...it's not a big deal...really...it's okay..."
Dude: "Have you tried THIS wine?"
He proudly holds up a bottle of wine I can buy at the grocery store.
I said "Yes, I've tried it...the wine I'm looking for is sort of unusual. It's a white cabernet..."
Dude: "Hunh...a WHITE Cabernet?"
Me: "Yes. It's sweet, but not too sweet, and it's not so dry that you feel like you've been eating chalk..."

I grabbed the cheapo wine he was pushing and said thanks and made my get away. I'm wandering around checking out all the stuff they had...Rum from Austin, for the love of Pete! I was interested, because they have all of this stuff I never knew existed...I turn a corner and BAM! Another liquor dude.
Dude: "Hello! I hear you're looking for a WHITE CABERNET?"
Me: "Um, yes. It's okay, though..see? I am getting these instead...I'll just order it..."
Dude: "I've never heard of a white cab..."
Me: "Yes, that's one reason it's so hard to find..I don't know if anyone else makes it. It's very good. "
Dude: "Well, have you looked at our other wi-"
Me: "YES. Yes, I have. I am getting a Gewurtztraminer and a Pinot Grigio.." (I don't give a crap if I spelled those correctly, by the way.) So, I finally extricate myself from the liquor gurus who were fascinated by this holy grail of wine I am seeking. I pay for my crappy wine that I didn't really even want. I start to walk to my car.

As I am walking out to my car, I see a man coming towards me from my right. He was barely in my peripheral vision at that point, and I didn't want to act insane and pepper spray him or anything. So, I kept walking towards my car. He begins to veer towards me. He was altering his course so that we would intersect. Now, I learned a long time ago to listen to that inner voice that tells you something is off. I'm not afraid to holler at a stranger who is acting weird or getting too close. I was much worse about it when my children were small. I'm not as much on guard now. Therefore, as he got closer to me, I tried to be calm and not react. It got to a point though, as I got to my car door, that this man was directly behind me and no more than 2 feet from me.

So, I did what I do: I whirled around and screamed, 'WHAT! WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT? BACK OFF!"

He held up a piece of paper with some scribbled writing on it that no doubt told me that he was deaf or blind or something and could I please give him money? Um, no. I can't.

Anyhow, I didn't read it. I just hollered, "BACK OFF!" again. He made a very pitiful moaning sound. He couldn't speak in words, or at least he didn't want me to think he could. Maybe he could, I don't know.

However, it was very clear by this point that I wanted him to leave me alone, and he still was standing there. I realized that he could easily pull a gun and demand my purse, my keys, force me into the car and leave...I wasn't really thinking along those lines at first, but it flashed into my mind in a split second. Who DOES that these days? Who walks up behind people in parking lots and doesn't expect to get shot?

So, he tilted his head much like a confused puppy does and made some moaning sound at me again. I didn't care. I was having none of it. I am serious, if I'd had my gun with me, it would have been bad. I won't go easily if someone tries to take me. I might have actually made a "shooing" motion with my arms, or maybe not. I was acutely aware that I was alone, female, standing next to an expensive vehicle, wearing diamonds, and carrying an expensive bag. Whether or not he KNEW these things, I didn't know, nor did I care. I realized all of a sudden that I was vulnerable. A cell phone isn't going to help a hell of a lot if someone attacks me. I can't freakin' THROW it and get away, for God's sake. They aren't going to wait for me to put my security code in and scroll through my contacts and call someone. So, I sorta stepped towards him in what I think was a VERY menacing fashion. I probably actually looked drunk or peg legged or something. He got the message finally and began backing away and moaning.

Why the constant moaning? Why?

So, I hop in my car, lock the doors and started the engine. I watch the guy in my mirror and he motions at someone. It was some hapless man also leaving the store minding his own business. This guy allowed the moaner to come all the way up to him and show him his card. He read the card, then smiled and shook his head "no". The moaner kept following him. I swear to God, I think he was probably looking for an easy target. I must have seemed like a pain in the ass, so he left me, but he was following this man! Finally, the man turned around and faced him and sorta made a motion indicating that he wanted the moaner to get to steppin'. I don't know where he went...and now I'm thinking I should have called the police. I didn't though. I just drove home.

Was he deaf? I don't know. Was he in need of help? He wasn't panicked. He didn't act like he needed help. He WANTED something, but I don't really much care what he wanted. I kept wondering, if I were deaf or otherwise disabled, would I spend my time in a parking lot in the heat with a ratty piece of paper with scribbling on it and try to approach total strangers? I don't think I would. I think I'd be at a shelter or other facility to help me. I wouldn't be wandering aimlessly in a parking lot. Plus, plenty of people with disabilities such as deafness hold jobs and live perfectly normal lives. They don't hobble around moaning at people in parking lots, for the love!

I give to charities. I don't give to moaners. Sorry, Mr. Moaning Man. Next time, I might have my gun, or at the very least my pepper spray instead of leaving it in the center console of my car.