I'm Offended

Hey, so yeah. I have something to complain about. I don't care if people want to hear it or not.

Here goes: that commercial for the drug that guys can take for "erectile dysfunction" with the smiling dude? It's gross. Nasty. Wretched. The commercial has the guy smiling like an idiot and all of these people are standing around admiring him. Like while he plays golf, they all stand around and the men stare with envy at this highly unattractive man who has abnormally large teeth while he waves like Queen Elizabeth at everyone. There are women who look like June Cleaver hanging around looking at the smiling guy with a look that in some advertising guy's mind shows intense desire and you know...whatever it is men think women think about or do when they are aroused.

Anyhow, the fact that there is medicine for this particular "condition" is astonishing to me. Now, I'm not bragging or anything, but personally....I have NEVER met a man who could not bring his little friend out to play. EVER. Is there that great a need for this stuff? For the love of God. I mean, I've "known" a few men. You know, biblically or whatever. Carnally. Carnivally? I don't know, I've had several husbands, or you know, a few. A FEW, okay? So, I sort of feel like I'm a...well...not an AUTHORITY, because that sounds whorish and a bit not nice. But, let's say ...no. Nevermind. Anyhow...back to the commercial. How did I get onto the subject of my personal nether region history? Good lord.

So, the Christmas version of the commercial was on for awhile. I guess even limp willies get the Christmas spirit and want commercials to help keep up the festive mood or something. So, during the Christmas version, they show the smiley guy like at an office Christmas party. He is dressed up like Santa Claus (OFFENSIVE RIGHT THERE. SANTA ISN'T CONCERNED WITH ERECTILE HEALTH. SHAME ON YOU FOR PUTTING SANTA INTO THAT SITUATION.) and there is a line of women waiting to sit on his lap. Okay, so the even more gross part is that they filled this commercial with phallic references. First, there is a sign next to the smiley aroused Santa that says NORTH POLE. Seriously? Make the word "pole" larger than the word "north"? Then, the announcer calls Santa, "This CHUBBY Santa". Come ON. I don't even remember all of the references. I just remember that one day it was on, and they were all completely blatant. Gross. Just gross.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I don't really feel better about it.

I don't even feel like doing a beauty product review right now. Here is one thing I'll say: Bliss' "The Youth As We Know It" moisturizer is HORRIFYINGLY over priced. I'll pay for good stuff, but the jar size leads you to think there is way more product than there actually is. It smells nice and the texture is creamy and absorbs nicely, but I will not pay that much for that particular product again. The toner coupled with the moisturizer does some weird thing to my skin. It creates small lumps of what I assume to be moisturizer bonding with the toner and making a solid. I don't need that. That's not desirable. I like the smell of the products. They aren't "perfumey" at all. They are fresh and have a grapefruit undertone to them. I've discovered I love the smell of grapefruit. Who knew? So, small, short review of something I regret buying. I'm not really happy with several of Bliss' products. Even their spa services left quite a bit to be desired in my opinion. I probably won't be trying my luck with anymore of their products. You can get information and purchase their products here: Bliss Spa.


Something I really really like: Dane Cook. I just laughed so hard I thought I'd pass out from lack of oxygen. He's a bit on the hot side, as well. Just a smidge to the left of" jump on him like a spider monkey" hot. He's more of the "hey, I never noticed that he is pretty hot. He's smart and funny, too. Wow, I am now of the opinion that he is hot." It's one of those things that has to grow. He doesn't knock you over right away with hotness.

Someone who is completely "jump on him like a spider monkey" hot is Josh Bernstein. If you have never seen him, do yourself a favor and go feast your eyes. He is made for me, I'm convinced. Yes, Yes, I know I'm married. Yes, yes, I love my husband. But holy crap...Josh Bernstein. I would end up in jail if I ever came face to face with him. I would become a sexual predator immediately. Josh would be my prey. Wow. That's sick. I don't care. Embrace the truth, people.

Let's see, next time I think I'll do a Top Ten. "A Top Ten of what?" you ask? Well, you'll just have to wait and see. Because I don't think that far ahead.

To summarize: Male "enhancement" drug commercials are revolting and vomit inducing. Bliss products leave much to be desired and are very expensive. Dane Cook is one funny mofo, and he is almost incredibly hot. Josh Bernstein IS incredibly hot and really, I don't see how he can be real.

Countdown until Jack goes to the Presidential Inauguration: 6 days