Friday, August 3, 2012

Once More Into the Fray

APOLOGY

Anger flashes like lightning
Surprising me and sweeping me away
Into a dark, ugly cavern from which
I cannot escape.

The torrent of my emotion
Lashes out and whips everyone
In my path into the storm.

The screaming voice I hear
Begs for cessation.

Begs for tranquility
Begs for peace

The voice I hear screaming
Says things that tear, gnash and claw
At the heart of the ones I cherish and love.

I am helpless to silence the voices
They will be heard.
They insist. They are legion.

As the storm passes,
The spent remains of my mind
Lay scattered about like the detritus of a tornado.

Apologies are pathetic.
Sorry does not erase
The pain, the confusion and the betrayal
Of the ones I love.

Slowly, one by one
Step by step
They are driven away.

They silently fade into my past
And leave me wondering
Why? How?
Losing the net of safety I have depended upon
Has become routine. Expected. Unsurprising.
I frantically attempt to weave together the few strings that remain.
To no avail. There are too few strings. You see, I have severed them.
Like heads falling from a guillotine, so go the ones I love.

I try to say that I am trying. I do not wish to sweep you away.
Please do not give in to the torrent of insanity that emanates from my soul.
I am helpless against it. Please help me fight it. Do not drift away.

-Helen Freeman
2012

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