The Love of a Mother....

Allow me to preface this with a VERY STRONGLY WORDED DECLARATION: I love my Mother. She is the most awesome mother EVER. She LOVES ME WITH ALL HER HEART AND SOUL AND READS THIS BLOG.

Okay. Now down to business. Today I was speaking with my mother on the telephone. We were talking about a rodent problem she discovered under her kitchen sink, which by the way made me laugh hysterically...but..anyhow..enough of the elipsisees or whatever. So, I hate to talk on the phone. EVER. To anyone. I really don't enjoy it at all. I also don't answer the door. That is neither here nor there, but basically, I don't like to communicate in person or via my voice, I guess. This is ironic considering my occupation, actually.

So, I had reached the end of my rope with telephonic patience, and I said, "Okay, so, I love you, bye." I hear my Mom say, "Wait! Don't go!" Damn. So here is our conversation from that point onward:
Me: What?
Mom: Don't go! I want to talk to you!
Me: About what?
Mom: Well, nothing. I just like to talk to you!
Me: No you don't.
Mom: OF COURSE I DO! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!?!?! (she is quite dramatic)
Me: You say I'm "not nice" all the time.
Mom: I DO NOT! (she was beginning to hyperventilate at this point..it doesn't take much..)
Me: Ha! Yes, you do! You also say I'm "foul" and other things.
Mom: Well, you ARE.
Me: See???
Mom: I think you are the most wonderful girl ever!!! How could you doubt that?
Me: Because you just said I am foul.
Mom: Well, I didn't teach you that!
Me: Hey, did you read the thing about Sanford's reunion and the song list for the DJ?
Mom: Oh Lord, Yes!!!! It was SO funny! You are so funny! You just kill me! I can just see you now...all prissy trying to be nice at that reunion!
Me: .....
Mom: Hahah! Ha. Ha?
Me: What do you mean "prissy"?
Mom: Oh, you know. You priss around all the time when you are trying to be elegant and nice.
Me: I do NOT PRISS! What the hell? PRISS???? I don't EFFIN'(only I said the "eff" word. To my mother. I know, I know...) PRISS!
Mom: See? You are being foul. How can you say that word?
Me: You don't even LIKE me! See??
Mom: I LOVE YOU! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT???
Me: Okay, so I'm going now.
Mom: What? No! I want to talk to you!
Me: Do you have a topic you wish to discuss?
Mom: No, I just like talking to you.

....and repeat.

PS: If anyone spots any grammatical errors, mispellings, etc., please feel free to tell me. Edit away. Seriously.