Tuesday, August 17, 2010

What the hell?

Hello potential book characters for my book which will be wildly and hugely popular and will go down in history as being a brilliant work of art.
How are you all? Awesome. Good to hear.
Now, here is the dilemma: if one is fortunate enough to get what they want, but they aren't really sure it's the right choice, should they wait and continue to plug away and try to get what they want with the ...oh eff it. What I'm saying is, if I get offers on my book, how do I know who to sign with? I'm confused, excited at the mere fact that someone thinks people will buy books written by me, and terrified to make the wrong choice. So. There it is.
Also, should I even entertain the idea of traveling to Beijing? I love to travel, although I will admit Asia has not really ever interested me with the exception of India. Europe? I'm down. Let's go. Asia? Ehhhhh....not so sure. My son said, "What if they won't let you leave?" I replied, "I really don't think the Chinese government will hold a bunch of American writers hostage..." then I had a horrible thought. Would they like...change what I wrote? Can they do that? Oh Jesus...now we need a lawyer..because...contracts, money...us...not good. Do they do that in China? Will they censor me? I don't want to be censored. To me, censor=bad.

Random thought, feel free to comment, respond, whatever.....do you think Jeff Lewis on "Flipping Out" plumps his top lip? I mean, it's pretty freakin' plump, right? I've done that and it turned out NOTHING like his. In my friend's words, my top lip was "jacked up". It did WONDERS for my self esteem, let me tell you.
Also, along the lines of random thoughts....does anyone really say, "SHUT.THE.FRONT.DOOR" instead of "Shut the eff up" or "Shut the hell up" or simply, "Shut up"? I will throw out a "Shut your pork trap" or "Shut your face", or whatever, but "Shut.The.Front.Door" is a lot of words to convey the fact that you want someone to shut their pie hole. Also, why isn't it, "Shut.The.Back.Door"? Or, how about, "Shut.The.Side.Door", or "Shut.The.Garage.Door"? I've never heard anyone other than Rachel Zoe say the door thing. Plus, I have a niece, and her first name is spelled the same way Rachel Zoe's last name is spelled, and we don't pronounce it like the name "Joe". We pronounce it, "Zoe-eee". That is the correct way to pronounce it. Take note. Rachel, pronounce it correctly, please. It makes me nuts and crazy.
Why does Jeff Lewis wear low top Chuck Taylor's all the time? Is it a fashion statement on his part? Is it the practicality? What? He is very fascinating to me, obviously. I mean, I've mentioned his lips and shoes here. He is also sarcastic as hell and mean as hell, and I adore that. Why? Because I am the same way. I would also tell my housekeeper named "Zoila" that she should "broooosh" my cat everyday after his nap. I would insist she say "brooosh" and tell her I was assisting her with her English. That's pretty mean. However, hearing her tell him to shut his front door cracks my ass up. Only she doesn't say it that way because she probably KNOWS HOW TO PRONOUNCE ZOE.

2 comments:

Terry said...

I will need a copy of your book.

A.L. Harris said...

Hi Helen! Nice to see you again. I love words, but maybe shut the front door is too wordy for when I simply want someone to shut the hell up. So I usually say that. Also, I've almost never heard people say shut the front door. Interesting. But on the book front, KEEP RESEARCHING. There is a wealth of information out there to help you decide if you should go with a certain literary agent or not. And Asia sounds amazingly fun (but have an escape plan so that you don't get censored by the Chinese government!) Take care :)

A.L.