HEY BITCHES!!! It's me, again. I just ran a 5K. Yes, me. I know, I know...you're amazed. I am, too. It was shorter than I usually run, but when I go do a REAL race, i don't want to be the loser who limps in last, you know?

So, my military cadence songs are getting more familiar. I am getting fond of the "Marine Baby" one. It's a little gross, but hey. What baby doesn't climb down, cut his own umbilical cord and head out the door, then follow the sounds of crying and go in the nursery and inform the babies he won't take anymore squealing and crying and he is the commander of the baby brigade. Because he has a camo diaper,(who put it on him?), black boots, (again, who put those on him?) and AND THREE DIAPER PINS ON HIS COLLAR. Whatever that means. Who uses diaper pins anymore?

I am still pissed off every time one of those stupid duh duh duh duh duh duhhh duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhh duh songs comes on. It makes me want to punch something. I will have to do something about those songs.

I didn't get to all of the questions, so I will answer a couple more here:

From Wayne in Washington: "What's your favorite food?" Well, Wayne, believe it or not, I'm a picky eater. I'd have to say my favorite food would be ice cream, my Mom's chocolate pie or her potato cake. Any of those, I'll never turn down.

From Corinne in Georgia: "Do you use that language in front of children?" Listen up, Corinne. I am a grown ass woman. Of course I don't. Well, just my kids sometimes, and they are grown. Plus, they get mad at me, so obviously I raised them correctly. I do not use it at work in front of other people's children. I have burned myself on glue guns and not said a bad word. Try that! Don't be so sanctimonious. Like you've never flipped anyone off or said, "Fucker!" in traffic. Give me a break. I bet you have a Jesus fish on your car, call yourself "Christian" and "Moral" and then picket abortion clinics but won't adopt one of those babies. Shut up, Corinne.

Whew. Okay, now on to Meg from ...well, I can't tell...is she from Dallas or Ft. Worth? I don't know. Anyhow, Hey Meg. What's your question? Meg: "How many times have you been married?" Well, Meg...that is pretty nosy, but what the hell. I've been married three times. The first one last less than 2 years, but I got a perfectly wondrous child out of it. The second lasted 5 years and I got another perfectly wondrous child. The third...we are in our 14th year together. We have no children together, but have one of those whaddayacallits...blended families. His daughter from his first marriage and my two boys. To be fair, I was never the abuser, cheater or liar. However, if you come home and say "I don't think I love you anymore.." Boy, you better have an apartment ready to go and some plans in place because my FIRST stop is the bank and my SECOND stop is my lawyer. The Wallet isn't like that. He is crazy and loses his temper, but not like hits things or anything. Plus he loses it over stuff like cell phones not working or slow fast food workers.
I don't think I'm very good at marriage, since I've done it three times. However, I must appear to be very marriageable.

From Amanda in Oklahoma : First off, I am sorry you live in Oklahoma...my condolences. " Are you close to your family?" Amanda, Amanda. That is such a complicated question. I'll try. I am very close to my Mom. I am very close to my brother. I am very close to his children, who I am only loaning to him. My father has done things in his life and made choices that make it impossible for me to have a relationship with him. I have funny stories about him from my youth, but that's about it. Now, it's a shit carnival with him. His family? I have no contact with and want none. They are incredibly ignorant people who don't believe in global warming and called sectional furniture "SEXUAL furniture". You see my problem with them, I assume. Plus, all their kids come out EFFED UP. I won't go into details, just trust me. He has interesting history in his family...ancestors and such. That's about it. My Mom has a huge family. She is one of 9 kids. My grandparents were two of my favorite people and I miss them so much. BUUUUT, when you have that many kids, they end up insane. They compete for attention all their lives and they end up insane. I don't know how else to put it. Plus, mental illness runs in the family there.

From Terrence in Idaho: "Do you have a favorite sports team?" TERRENCE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? Duh! I bleed orange and blue! GATORS, BABY! I am a Gator fan, through and through. My Grandfather worked for the University of Florida Athletic Assoc. for many, many years. My Gator history goes way back. However, I live near UT Austin. One of my children is there, and Austin is my favorite place to live. The Gators are my faves, though.

That's it for now, bitches. I have to do mundane things like shower and well...read or something. OH! THERE IS A SALE AT KOHL'S! I NEED BATH MATS! My life is phantasmagorical.