I told you guys I'd be reviewing products again, so here I am.
Okay, let me preface this by saying that I love all products by the people who created the SonicCare toothbrush. I use it three times a day, MINIMUM. I use the Clairisonic Facial Brush twice a day. I've done a review on that.
For Christmas this year, I got the Clairisonic Opal. This handy little device also utilizes the "sonic" technology that the other products use.
With the Opal, you get a small hand held device with a removable cap. The cap has a small tube that dispenses the "serum" that you apply to your skin. The device itself has a small silicone cup where you place the serum. You then place the silicone cup on your face(usually areas of concern, such as crow's feet), turn on the button and begin moving the device in small circular motions around the area. The serum is theoretically forced further into your dermis, thus plumping up your skin. This is accomplished through the "sonic" vibrations of the device. Now, I don't know how possible this is, but it seems to work. I've been using it for several months, and have noticed a definite reduction in fine lines around my eyes, between my eyes above my nose and smile lines around my mouth. To be honest, I also get Botox, but using this in addition to that has made a tremendous difference in the appearance of wrinkles on my face.
Recently, the company's literature has said that the Opal can be used all over the face, and so I've been using it more on my forehead, and around my lips, as well. Another improvement the company has made is that the serum is now available in bottles, instead of $90.00 caps that are plastic and you end up throwing away frequently. This cuts down on the amount of wasted materials, which is a good thing. Also, with the bottle of serum, you can accurately gauge how much you have left, and when you need to buy some more. With the cap, you pushed a button and everything was fine until one day you would push the button and....nada. No serum left, and you had no way of knowing it until it was too late.
The price of the Opal is a little bit steep. It runs over $200.00. For a woman in her mid-forties, I consider it worth it. I take very good care of my skin, and so far, it's paying off. Yes, I get help from Botox and sometimes fillers such as Juvederm, but overall, I depend on my daily cleaning regimen. I couldn't achieve the same results without my Clairisonic products. I highly recommend them to everyone. As a matter of fact, I bought an extra facial brush for my son to help combal teenage acne. After two treatments, his face is smooth as when he was a baby. There is no escaping the results. This company's products work. I consider the price reasonable and well worth it.
I did take before and after pictures of my eye area for comparison for the Opal. I will post those soon. The pictures are taken between Botox treatments. Botox had no part in the results.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
My day in HELL, otherwise known as the Killeen City Court Annex
So, yeah...I got a ticket. Big whoop. The cop wasn't what I'd call a sweetheart, either. He actually asked me how much I WEIGHED. I told him, "Well, I'm going to lie to you.." and he shrugged, so I said, "100 pounds". He wrote it on the ticket.
Anyhow, I of course, opted to take Defensive Driving online as it was the most convenient. The course almost killed me with boredom, but "easy" is not an apt name for it. It was stupid easy.
Example Question and answer choices: You are scanning the roadway 12 seconds ahead of you to watch out for possible problems. You are no less than 2 seconds behind the vehicle in front of you. You have been checking your mirrors, and you have a good cushion of safety around you. What should you do?
A. Continue driving, while using your safe driving strategies.
B. Apply lipstick in the visor mirror
C. Speed up.
D. Get out a map and check your route while driving.
I'm sorta surprised one of the choices wasn't, "Shoot off your nine millimeter out the window, as you light up your crack pipe! Fuck the cops!"
See? So, then I had to take the paperwork BACK to the City court annex for the oh....I don't know 50th time. You walk in and feel like you are in a jail waiting room. It's ..well...full of unsavory people. Of course, I was there, so I suppose I am just as unsavory. At any rate, you take a number, sit your ass down and wait. There are four windows available. Two of which had their blinds drawn indicating they didn't give a shit about the 40 people sitting there waiting, and we could suck it. They only needed a sign that said, "Suck it" to go along with their "No Cell phone" sign and their, "Do not approach window until called" and various other signs telling you what they will NOT do for you.
I took a number. I was number 6. Awesome! Wrong. They were on number 89. They had to get to 100, then start over. So I was WAAY far from being called. People usually leave because they get tired of waiting, but I had all the time in the world, so I waited. I swear every time one of the clerks looked at me, they hated my ass because I was patiently waiting. Plus, I was not using my cellphone or approaching windows without being called, I might add.
Unlike my fellow miscreants, I did not used foul language, as it is rude and I didn't know them and there were children present. I didn't compare my tattoos with the various people there who were, ACTUALLY doing that. Total strangers. I didn't talk about body piercing, either. I sat. I waited. Patiently. Well, my leg was bouncing, but that is just me. I watched one guy walk up to the window when his number was called, and less than 2 minutes later, a cop appeared, handcuffed him and took him away. I'm still all excited about that and want to know what the hell was going on!
There was a "Most Wanted" poster up on the all. Fine. We need to know what the criminals look like. However, one thing bothered me. As I was sitting there...patiently, mind you...a man and what appeared to be a female of our species came in. She was wearing her pajamas, and her hair had NOT been combed in a VERY long time. His boxers were a merry blackwatch plaid. We all got treated to that sight. Thank you, Mr. Anonymous Boxer Short man. What these two did is what creeped me out, though. They didn't take a number. At which point I almost stood up and hollered, "Nuh uh! You take a number, Asshole! We ALL took our numbers, you aren't special!", but then I checked myself. I could have been killed.
Anyhow, these two people walked up to the "Most Wanted" pictures, seemed to be searching, and then the guy said, "There he is!" and stabbed his finger really hard on some asshole criminal's face. Then, he LAUGHED. The alleged female cackled and said, "Well, I'll be damned!" and they continued to stand and stare at the picture. Get this...they stared with PRIDE. Then, they left. That was all they were there for.
Meanwhile, I sat. Waited, sat and minded my own business. I broke no rules. I made as little eye contact with people as possible, as I seem to attract freaks, and end up in a weird conversation about religion or something. Believe me, it's never a good thing.
I waited for...get this..1 1/2 hours. Yep. I had ALL OF MY SHIT READY, too. I didn't have to dig around in my purse to get anything, I didn't have to run out to the car to get anything, I was freakin' READY, unlike the jackholes I was waiting with. They evidently didn't get the memo that you should not walk at a snail's pace when people are waiting on you, and you should have YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE YOU GET THERE, DUMBASS! The memo also stated that you should wear CLOTHING to the building, not RATTY, DIRTY, GREY PAJAMAS! Have some pride, America!
I'm still waiting. A regular enough looking guy walks in, looks at the numbed faces of all of us sitting there in purgatory, and he takes his number with a defeated sigh. At first, I just thought he was sorta not attractive. Nope. He was UGLY. I understand he can't help that. That's a crapshoot. He was terribly pigeon toed to the point that it affected his gait. He had very short very curly white blond hair, he was wearing an ill fitting long sleeved shirt and black slacks. He was a mouth breather which I cannot tolerate. He sat and breathed out of his mouth the whole time. I know this because he sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I was giving out my most powerful, "Stay the fuck away from me, motherfucker" vibes, too. That didn't stop Mr. Mouth Breather, though. He even leaned TOWARDS me. I leaned AWAY from him. Then, he did the one thing he could do to make himself less attractive and less eligible, because I guarandamntee you he is single...he went outside and smoked. In the over 100 degree heat. Number one: It looks trashy and tacky. I don't care if you agree with me or you are a smoker. It instantly makes you look like trash. Secondly, even if you go outside, you REEK of it when you come back inside. Thank you for adding to your grossness, sir. Thirdly, I saw him throw his cigarette on the sidewalk before he came back in. Therefore, he is a LITTER BUG. Asshat.
Finally, my number was called. I walked up quickly, sat, shoved my number, and all my paperwork through the little hole in the plexiglass, and there were not even words exchanged with the exception of, "That's it." (When did that replace, 'Thank you"?) I said, "Thank you", took my stuff, got up and got out. I waited 1 1/2 hours for a 2 minute transaction. Worse than Disneyworld.
By the way, just as a postscript here, I'm going to be doing some special writing where I review products on my blog. Usually, it's beauty products. That is how the blog started, actually, but I got sidetracked. If Mama wanna get paid, Mamma gotta write for the Man.
Anyhow, I of course, opted to take Defensive Driving online as it was the most convenient. The course almost killed me with boredom, but "easy" is not an apt name for it. It was stupid easy.
Example Question and answer choices: You are scanning the roadway 12 seconds ahead of you to watch out for possible problems. You are no less than 2 seconds behind the vehicle in front of you. You have been checking your mirrors, and you have a good cushion of safety around you. What should you do?
A. Continue driving, while using your safe driving strategies.
B. Apply lipstick in the visor mirror
C. Speed up.
D. Get out a map and check your route while driving.
I'm sorta surprised one of the choices wasn't, "Shoot off your nine millimeter out the window, as you light up your crack pipe! Fuck the cops!"
See? So, then I had to take the paperwork BACK to the City court annex for the oh....I don't know 50th time. You walk in and feel like you are in a jail waiting room. It's ..well...full of unsavory people. Of course, I was there, so I suppose I am just as unsavory. At any rate, you take a number, sit your ass down and wait. There are four windows available. Two of which had their blinds drawn indicating they didn't give a shit about the 40 people sitting there waiting, and we could suck it. They only needed a sign that said, "Suck it" to go along with their "No Cell phone" sign and their, "Do not approach window until called" and various other signs telling you what they will NOT do for you.
I took a number. I was number 6. Awesome! Wrong. They were on number 89. They had to get to 100, then start over. So I was WAAY far from being called. People usually leave because they get tired of waiting, but I had all the time in the world, so I waited. I swear every time one of the clerks looked at me, they hated my ass because I was patiently waiting. Plus, I was not using my cellphone or approaching windows without being called, I might add.
Unlike my fellow miscreants, I did not used foul language, as it is rude and I didn't know them and there were children present. I didn't compare my tattoos with the various people there who were, ACTUALLY doing that. Total strangers. I didn't talk about body piercing, either. I sat. I waited. Patiently. Well, my leg was bouncing, but that is just me. I watched one guy walk up to the window when his number was called, and less than 2 minutes later, a cop appeared, handcuffed him and took him away. I'm still all excited about that and want to know what the hell was going on!
There was a "Most Wanted" poster up on the all. Fine. We need to know what the criminals look like. However, one thing bothered me. As I was sitting there...patiently, mind you...a man and what appeared to be a female of our species came in. She was wearing her pajamas, and her hair had NOT been combed in a VERY long time. His boxers were a merry blackwatch plaid. We all got treated to that sight. Thank you, Mr. Anonymous Boxer Short man. What these two did is what creeped me out, though. They didn't take a number. At which point I almost stood up and hollered, "Nuh uh! You take a number, Asshole! We ALL took our numbers, you aren't special!", but then I checked myself. I could have been killed.
Anyhow, these two people walked up to the "Most Wanted" pictures, seemed to be searching, and then the guy said, "There he is!" and stabbed his finger really hard on some asshole criminal's face. Then, he LAUGHED. The alleged female cackled and said, "Well, I'll be damned!" and they continued to stand and stare at the picture. Get this...they stared with PRIDE. Then, they left. That was all they were there for.
Meanwhile, I sat. Waited, sat and minded my own business. I broke no rules. I made as little eye contact with people as possible, as I seem to attract freaks, and end up in a weird conversation about religion or something. Believe me, it's never a good thing.
I waited for...get this..1 1/2 hours. Yep. I had ALL OF MY SHIT READY, too. I didn't have to dig around in my purse to get anything, I didn't have to run out to the car to get anything, I was freakin' READY, unlike the jackholes I was waiting with. They evidently didn't get the memo that you should not walk at a snail's pace when people are waiting on you, and you should have YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE YOU GET THERE, DUMBASS! The memo also stated that you should wear CLOTHING to the building, not RATTY, DIRTY, GREY PAJAMAS! Have some pride, America!
I'm still waiting. A regular enough looking guy walks in, looks at the numbed faces of all of us sitting there in purgatory, and he takes his number with a defeated sigh. At first, I just thought he was sorta not attractive. Nope. He was UGLY. I understand he can't help that. That's a crapshoot. He was terribly pigeon toed to the point that it affected his gait. He had very short very curly white blond hair, he was wearing an ill fitting long sleeved shirt and black slacks. He was a mouth breather which I cannot tolerate. He sat and breathed out of his mouth the whole time. I know this because he sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I was giving out my most powerful, "Stay the fuck away from me, motherfucker" vibes, too. That didn't stop Mr. Mouth Breather, though. He even leaned TOWARDS me. I leaned AWAY from him. Then, he did the one thing he could do to make himself less attractive and less eligible, because I guarandamntee you he is single...he went outside and smoked. In the over 100 degree heat. Number one: It looks trashy and tacky. I don't care if you agree with me or you are a smoker. It instantly makes you look like trash. Secondly, even if you go outside, you REEK of it when you come back inside. Thank you for adding to your grossness, sir. Thirdly, I saw him throw his cigarette on the sidewalk before he came back in. Therefore, he is a LITTER BUG. Asshat.
Finally, my number was called. I walked up quickly, sat, shoved my number, and all my paperwork through the little hole in the plexiglass, and there were not even words exchanged with the exception of, "That's it." (When did that replace, 'Thank you"?) I said, "Thank you", took my stuff, got up and got out. I waited 1 1/2 hours for a 2 minute transaction. Worse than Disneyworld.
By the way, just as a postscript here, I'm going to be doing some special writing where I review products on my blog. Usually, it's beauty products. That is how the blog started, actually, but I got sidetracked. If Mama wanna get paid, Mamma gotta write for the Man.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Procrastination
Procrastination is a problem I've been struggling with, lately. When I sit down to write, I end up "researching" instead. By "researching", I mean going on Facebook, Youtube, shopping, etc. Anything other than writing. My thoughts are all over the place, which means there is nothing coherent coming out of my head. I believe coherent thoughts are necessary when writing a novel.
To be fair, I've been on vacation for just over a week, and most of that time has been spent catching up on household chores, personal upkeep (hair, botox, etc.) and various other very legitimate sounding things. Truthfully, I haven't wanted to face this computer and this lack of idea that I am suffering.
I have done quite a bit of reading of OTHER author's books, however. I find misspelled words, incorrect grammar and a plethora of other problems. I become distracted by it. What do I do? I go online to various sites that talk about how grammar has been almost killed by modern authors. I get irate. I respond to posts. I worry that my OWN grammar is suffering. Was that a correct sentence? Did I use a subjective invective in the correct past tense without any dangling participles? I don't know! I don't remember! I need an editor for my blog and my responses to other people's posts!
There are several excellent sites where grammar is still held in high esteem. Most are run by literay agents, (Hello, I am a very good writer, please sign me.) or, even more intimidating, EDITORS! (Hello, I am a very good writer, please sign me.)
All in all, the summer is progressing much as other summer's have progressed. (that was a bad sentence, wasn't it?) I have thought much about what I NEED to do around the house, in the yard, etc. I have DONE none of it. I have seen several movies. I have read multiple books. I have written almost nothing. Honestly, this blog post is the most I've written since school ended. I must admit, it's disheartening, disappointing and any other "dis" you can think of.
I need to sit my ass down and just do it, but my ass doesn't want to do that. My ass wants to do other things.
Anybody else having the same issues? Does anybody legitimate want to sign me? (Please no illegitimate publishers...no "self-publishers" that don't have editors and expect you to do all the publicity yourself...I've had enough offers from them.)
To be fair, I've been on vacation for just over a week, and most of that time has been spent catching up on household chores, personal upkeep (hair, botox, etc.) and various other very legitimate sounding things. Truthfully, I haven't wanted to face this computer and this lack of idea that I am suffering.
I have done quite a bit of reading of OTHER author's books, however. I find misspelled words, incorrect grammar and a plethora of other problems. I become distracted by it. What do I do? I go online to various sites that talk about how grammar has been almost killed by modern authors. I get irate. I respond to posts. I worry that my OWN grammar is suffering. Was that a correct sentence? Did I use a subjective invective in the correct past tense without any dangling participles? I don't know! I don't remember! I need an editor for my blog and my responses to other people's posts!
There are several excellent sites where grammar is still held in high esteem. Most are run by literay agents, (Hello, I am a very good writer, please sign me.) or, even more intimidating, EDITORS! (Hello, I am a very good writer, please sign me.)
All in all, the summer is progressing much as other summer's have progressed. (that was a bad sentence, wasn't it?) I have thought much about what I NEED to do around the house, in the yard, etc. I have DONE none of it. I have seen several movies. I have read multiple books. I have written almost nothing. Honestly, this blog post is the most I've written since school ended. I must admit, it's disheartening, disappointing and any other "dis" you can think of.
I need to sit my ass down and just do it, but my ass doesn't want to do that. My ass wants to do other things.
Anybody else having the same issues? Does anybody legitimate want to sign me? (Please no illegitimate publishers...no "self-publishers" that don't have editors and expect you to do all the publicity yourself...I've had enough offers from them.)
Friday, June 10, 2011
April 14, 2005
ETA: The "Jail Cam" has since been removed from the internet due to some privacy issues or some crap...pffft.
2005-04-14
JailCam!
Okay, I have long wondered how to do things that are big and fancy like include links in this diary thing .
So, today I am going to attempt and do this. I fear it is a bit of voodoo..but I shall try...oh yes I shall!
The other day on a board I frequent, someone posted a link to a "Jailcam". I resisted looking at first. After all, my husband, my brother....cops. My life is lousy with cops. I don't need to watch them on the internet, right? Right. I resisted for awhile. Finally, I gave in. I looked. And I thought..."Well, this is boring." And I thought that for like...ohhhh....I don't know....an hour or so....clearly....I wasn't all that bored.
Anyhow..here is the link:
Anderson County, Tennessee Jail Cam
Let's see if this works....click on it and see if you see the booking area of the Anderson County Jail.
There is this one dude...we have been referring to him alternatively as "Man behind door #3" and "Mentally Disturbed Individual". Sanford gave me the last name. I showed the man to Sanford.
This man stands in this window and...well...just pretty much stands there. All day. All night. I asked Sanford..."Hey...what's the deal with this dude...he just stands there...staring..."
Let me just say right here that Sanford does not understand why I'm riveted by a "JailCam". He doesn't understand why I want to watch people get booked into county jail. DUH!
Anyhow...when I asked him...and showed him the guy...he said.."Oh. Obviously, that is a Mentally Disturbed Individual." OBVIOUSLY
The other night, they brought in this large woman who pretended to faint! It kicked total ass! She just keeled over! And all the deputies just stood there staring at her and then I look at Mentally Disturbed Individual and he was DANCING in the window!
He was all over the place! He stopped and pulled a dark colored shirt out of nowhere and pulled it on over his other shirt! Then he started waving his arms around and dancing again! He was all SORTS of excited...and just as he got wound up, the jailer walked over and pulled a shade down over his window so that he couldn't see anymore.
PISSED.ME.OFF.
So, EMS came, loaded faking fainter woman on the gurney, they handcuffed her and took her away.
The point is that you never know WHAT will happen! There are all these girls walking around all itchy and scratchy...they keep coming and going out of the door marked "Detox". Totally fascinating. You gotta watch for awhile.
Let me know what you think. P.S. Can you tell I learned how to make things bold and in italics? I rock!
2005-04-14
JailCam!
Okay, I have long wondered how to do things that are big and fancy like include links in this diary thing .
So, today I am going to attempt and do this. I fear it is a bit of voodoo..but I shall try...oh yes I shall!
The other day on a board I frequent, someone posted a link to a "Jailcam". I resisted looking at first. After all, my husband, my brother....cops. My life is lousy with cops. I don't need to watch them on the internet, right? Right. I resisted for awhile. Finally, I gave in. I looked. And I thought..."Well, this is boring." And I thought that for like...ohhhh....I don't know....an hour or so....clearly....I wasn't all that bored.
Anyhow..here is the link:
Anderson County, Tennessee Jail Cam
Let's see if this works....click on it and see if you see the booking area of the Anderson County Jail.
There is this one dude...we have been referring to him alternatively as "Man behind door #3" and "Mentally Disturbed Individual". Sanford gave me the last name. I showed the man to Sanford.
This man stands in this window and...well...just pretty much stands there. All day. All night. I asked Sanford..."Hey...what's the deal with this dude...he just stands there...staring..."
Let me just say right here that Sanford does not understand why I'm riveted by a "JailCam". He doesn't understand why I want to watch people get booked into county jail. DUH!
Anyhow...when I asked him...and showed him the guy...he said.."Oh. Obviously, that is a Mentally Disturbed Individual." OBVIOUSLY
The other night, they brought in this large woman who pretended to faint! It kicked total ass! She just keeled over! And all the deputies just stood there staring at her and then I look at Mentally Disturbed Individual and he was DANCING in the window!
He was all over the place! He stopped and pulled a dark colored shirt out of nowhere and pulled it on over his other shirt! Then he started waving his arms around and dancing again! He was all SORTS of excited...and just as he got wound up, the jailer walked over and pulled a shade down over his window so that he couldn't see anymore.
PISSED.ME.OFF.
So, EMS came, loaded faking fainter woman on the gurney, they handcuffed her and took her away.
The point is that you never know WHAT will happen! There are all these girls walking around all itchy and scratchy...they keep coming and going out of the door marked "Detox". Totally fascinating. You gotta watch for awhile.
Let me know what you think. P.S. Can you tell I learned how to make things bold and in italics? I rock!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
WHEW!
Okay, so....school is over for the year. Thank you God. Thank you whoever. Just thank you. I swear, this was the longest, hardest year I've ever taught.
I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. My oldest son is graduating from high school tomorrow, and I'm not ready for that. My baby. Grown up. When did THAT happen? I can still hear his voice when he was little. I can still smell his clean baby shampoo hair as he snuggled up under my chin while I read to him. I can still see his loaded diaper clad butt wiggling side to side down the hall as I chased him to change his diaper. Now, he shaves. He can vote. He can join the military. He chooses his own horrific clothing. He has political and religious opinions. When did this shit go down? He is going to college in the fall. How the hell is that going to work? He will have to get himself up in the morning, get dressed, perform the obligatory hygienic motions, eat breakfast, take medication and get himself to class. Then, he will have to write down assignments, listen to professors, get home, study, eat, sleep and do all of the things I still have to tell him to do. He hates driving, and he is going to have to drive. I really don't see how this is going to end up well. I probably am worrying for nothing, since that is what I do, but still. He is my first baby. My second baby is going to be a sophomore in high school next year. Seriously? Again..when did THAT happen? What happened to me rocking him to sleep and singing lullabies to him and him putting his little chubby baby hand over my mouth and saying, "No sing, Mommy..." Now, he is his own person. He operates technology, he refuses to do as he is told, he is going to summer school because he has to, he wants to be the baby but not be a baby...
Now, tomorrow, at my son's graduation, we will have my mother, my father, my niece and nephew, my husband, my youngest son, my step daughter, my ex husband and his mother and it will be a huge, epic clusterfuck. I plan on filming it. There is NO way this will end up well. My parents aren't speaking, I'm barely speaking with my mother, I'm not really speaking with my brother, (he cannot make it, as he is teaching a class on a SUNDAY NIGHT...) my mother hates my ex husband, and has never met his mother. My mother does NOT hide her dislike or disdain for people at all. Not for anyone's sake. It will be horrific. I have been hoarding my Xanax in anticipation of the cataclysm that is sure to occur. I just want to watch my baby graduate and be proud. But, then he is flying back to Chicago with his father for a month or so before he gets ready for college. So, he graduates and leaves the same night. I will be a basket case. Then, the next day, we register the youngest for summer school. Right before he finishes summer school, my husband and I are supposed to be in Northern California for his 40th high school reunion. We are leaving our daughter who is almost 20 in charge of getting him to and from school for the last couple of days, then taking him to his grandmother's house. It's going to be horrible.
AND, to make matter worse, I cannot walk in 4" heels, no matter what I do. What is up with that?
And this thing needs a spell check, because I'm entirely too tired to do it, tonight.
I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. My oldest son is graduating from high school tomorrow, and I'm not ready for that. My baby. Grown up. When did THAT happen? I can still hear his voice when he was little. I can still smell his clean baby shampoo hair as he snuggled up under my chin while I read to him. I can still see his loaded diaper clad butt wiggling side to side down the hall as I chased him to change his diaper. Now, he shaves. He can vote. He can join the military. He chooses his own horrific clothing. He has political and religious opinions. When did this shit go down? He is going to college in the fall. How the hell is that going to work? He will have to get himself up in the morning, get dressed, perform the obligatory hygienic motions, eat breakfast, take medication and get himself to class. Then, he will have to write down assignments, listen to professors, get home, study, eat, sleep and do all of the things I still have to tell him to do. He hates driving, and he is going to have to drive. I really don't see how this is going to end up well. I probably am worrying for nothing, since that is what I do, but still. He is my first baby. My second baby is going to be a sophomore in high school next year. Seriously? Again..when did THAT happen? What happened to me rocking him to sleep and singing lullabies to him and him putting his little chubby baby hand over my mouth and saying, "No sing, Mommy..." Now, he is his own person. He operates technology, he refuses to do as he is told, he is going to summer school because he has to, he wants to be the baby but not be a baby...
Now, tomorrow, at my son's graduation, we will have my mother, my father, my niece and nephew, my husband, my youngest son, my step daughter, my ex husband and his mother and it will be a huge, epic clusterfuck. I plan on filming it. There is NO way this will end up well. My parents aren't speaking, I'm barely speaking with my mother, I'm not really speaking with my brother, (he cannot make it, as he is teaching a class on a SUNDAY NIGHT...) my mother hates my ex husband, and has never met his mother. My mother does NOT hide her dislike or disdain for people at all. Not for anyone's sake. It will be horrific. I have been hoarding my Xanax in anticipation of the cataclysm that is sure to occur. I just want to watch my baby graduate and be proud. But, then he is flying back to Chicago with his father for a month or so before he gets ready for college. So, he graduates and leaves the same night. I will be a basket case. Then, the next day, we register the youngest for summer school. Right before he finishes summer school, my husband and I are supposed to be in Northern California for his 40th high school reunion. We are leaving our daughter who is almost 20 in charge of getting him to and from school for the last couple of days, then taking him to his grandmother's house. It's going to be horrible.
AND, to make matter worse, I cannot walk in 4" heels, no matter what I do. What is up with that?
And this thing needs a spell check, because I'm entirely too tired to do it, tonight.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Updates
Yo. A few major things have gone on since I last posted. Let's see....hmmm...there was some wedding or something in England. Actually, I woke up early to watch it as I got ready for work, then pulled it up on the computer at work as soon as I got there. Sue me. I don't care, I love that crap.
However, it got me wondering: why the hell does the Queen of England carry a purse? Does she have her garage door opener in there? Pepper spray? A wallet with nothing in it? House keys? Seriously. She always has a crappy purse the same shade of her dress, hat and shoes. Very monochromatic, the Queen. I'm just fascinated by her purse, though.
Next, even the ROYAL FAMILY doesn't have good dental care in England? What is up with that? File those teeth down for the love of God! Those are some enormous teeth.
Then, honestly, did anyone think that Kate and William hadn't already you know...."known" each other? I mean Biblically, here. They freakin' lived together!
Yes, I adored the dress. The hats? What.the.HELL. is wrong with those people??? NO, the hats weren't refreshing or a nice change of pace in fashion. No, they weren't "whimsical" and appropriate for a wedding. They were hideous, horrendous concoctions that some maniacal asshole whipped up and got rich off of for all of those idiots who paid for them to be seen by the whole world. Those "fascinators"? Should be illegal. That'a all I'll say about that.
On to the next bit of huge news: didja know Bin Laden is dead? Well, that's what they say. I have no choice but to believe them. I would like all of the Republican/Conservative people who criticized the President for going after him to shut the eff up. Bush had 8 years and not only did he not get him, but he levelled two countries and got lots of other people who weren't the guy we were after. In the process, he bankrupted our nation and killed millions of innocent people. Not to mention the fact that good, decent soldiers died because of lies he told the country prior to invading Iraq. Just a couple of problems I have with him. I won't even go into his inability to be articulate.
Yes, I voted for Obama. Yes, I'd do it again. Suck it. I also voted for Clinton both times, and wish he could be dictator for life. We'd be swimming in money, not at war, enjoy good relationships with other countries and be prosperous again. What a horrible thought! Someone other than his wife might be giving him BJs, but dammit, he LIED about it! Shut up. You'd lie, too. Don't even say you wouldn't. I don't care WHO performs fellatio on the man, as long as he does his job well. Not to mention the fact that it was nice to have a well spoken, highly educated, brilliant man in charge. How far we fell in such a short time.
And guess what else? Obviously, I'm not the only one who voted for him twice. He won pretty handily twice. Other people did the same, even if they are afraid to admit it because of the right wing blind hatred of the man.
On to my newest obsession: The Borgias on Showtime. LOVE it. Why? 1. They were Spaniards, like my family. 2. They were scheming, treacherous sickos and it's all true. 3. The pope had mistresses and several children. Openly. I bet he never diddled a little boy. 4. It has the costumes and language and scenery I love.
and last but certainly not least, 5. The dude who plays Chesare Borgia. MeeeeOW.
This brings us to the biggest thing going on in our lives right now: preparing for my husband's 40th high school reunion. Yep. 40 years. I was 6 when he graduated from high school. I will have less than nothing in common with other attendees. I'm getting a trip to Northern California out of it, but still. I'm just looking forward to my three days in Napa, the spa, the trip on the Wine Train with the 5 star chef...shopping, seeing Fisherman's Wharf and all the usual touristy things.
I'm sleepy. See ya when I see ya.
However, it got me wondering: why the hell does the Queen of England carry a purse? Does she have her garage door opener in there? Pepper spray? A wallet with nothing in it? House keys? Seriously. She always has a crappy purse the same shade of her dress, hat and shoes. Very monochromatic, the Queen. I'm just fascinated by her purse, though.
Next, even the ROYAL FAMILY doesn't have good dental care in England? What is up with that? File those teeth down for the love of God! Those are some enormous teeth.
Then, honestly, did anyone think that Kate and William hadn't already you know...."known" each other? I mean Biblically, here. They freakin' lived together!
Yes, I adored the dress. The hats? What.the.HELL. is wrong with those people??? NO, the hats weren't refreshing or a nice change of pace in fashion. No, they weren't "whimsical" and appropriate for a wedding. They were hideous, horrendous concoctions that some maniacal asshole whipped up and got rich off of for all of those idiots who paid for them to be seen by the whole world. Those "fascinators"? Should be illegal. That'a all I'll say about that.
On to the next bit of huge news: didja know Bin Laden is dead? Well, that's what they say. I have no choice but to believe them. I would like all of the Republican/Conservative people who criticized the President for going after him to shut the eff up. Bush had 8 years and not only did he not get him, but he levelled two countries and got lots of other people who weren't the guy we were after. In the process, he bankrupted our nation and killed millions of innocent people. Not to mention the fact that good, decent soldiers died because of lies he told the country prior to invading Iraq. Just a couple of problems I have with him. I won't even go into his inability to be articulate.
Yes, I voted for Obama. Yes, I'd do it again. Suck it. I also voted for Clinton both times, and wish he could be dictator for life. We'd be swimming in money, not at war, enjoy good relationships with other countries and be prosperous again. What a horrible thought! Someone other than his wife might be giving him BJs, but dammit, he LIED about it! Shut up. You'd lie, too. Don't even say you wouldn't. I don't care WHO performs fellatio on the man, as long as he does his job well. Not to mention the fact that it was nice to have a well spoken, highly educated, brilliant man in charge. How far we fell in such a short time.
And guess what else? Obviously, I'm not the only one who voted for him twice. He won pretty handily twice. Other people did the same, even if they are afraid to admit it because of the right wing blind hatred of the man.
On to my newest obsession: The Borgias on Showtime. LOVE it. Why? 1. They were Spaniards, like my family. 2. They were scheming, treacherous sickos and it's all true. 3. The pope had mistresses and several children. Openly. I bet he never diddled a little boy. 4. It has the costumes and language and scenery I love.
and last but certainly not least, 5. The dude who plays Chesare Borgia. MeeeeOW.
This brings us to the biggest thing going on in our lives right now: preparing for my husband's 40th high school reunion. Yep. 40 years. I was 6 when he graduated from high school. I will have less than nothing in common with other attendees. I'm getting a trip to Northern California out of it, but still. I'm just looking forward to my three days in Napa, the spa, the trip on the Wine Train with the 5 star chef...shopping, seeing Fisherman's Wharf and all the usual touristy things.
I'm sleepy. See ya when I see ya.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Heard Today in Elementary School
A small child to me: "When is YOUR baby coming out?" I replied, "My babies came out over 15 years ago..." Child: Noooo!!! Silly!!!! *she pats my stomach* You have a baby in there!" Um, no. Thank you for plunging my self esteem into the absolute depths of hell, oh sweet child.
About 2 minutes before this conversation, another small child who was holding a stuffed dolphin, made the dolphin "bite" my left boob. He then laughed and said, "I call him Sharkey! He bit your boobie!" I didn't even know what to say to that. So, I said, "He's a dolphin." Wow. Way to educate the future. It wasn't a SHARK that bit me in the boob, it was a DOLPHIN. Teacher of the year.
Last week, another group of small children I was passing while walking my class to lunch said, "Hey, you have a clown face!" I at first thought they must be talking to another child, but no...they were addressing me. I stopped and said, "Excuse me?" and they repeated, "You have a clown face." I said, "Wow. THANK you! That is SO sweet of you!!!" I began to walk away, But no. It wasn't over. Another child grabbed my leg, and began hugging me. The child's arms began moving slowly up my leg and well....it was sort of an uncomfortable; almost a sexual assault. Before I could stop the child, their hands were in my "No no, don't touch" place. I quickly said, "Whoa....let's move the arms down a little, k?" After that, I hear from behind me, "Yeah, you do have a clown face. And a clown nose." By now, I was flustered, and yet curious as to what made these children think my face was clownish at that particular time. I said, "Really? What about my nose is like a clown? Is it big and red and does it have a red ball on it? Is it just big? Do I have clown feet? Do I have a frownie face drawn over my lips?" To which the answer was a couple of seconds of quiet contemplation on the part of the child, then a definite affirmative nod and these words, "Yes. Your nose is gigantic and red and like a clown."
So. I look like a pregnant clown with a larger than average clown nose. AND someone got to third base with me without even trying.
About 2 minutes before this conversation, another small child who was holding a stuffed dolphin, made the dolphin "bite" my left boob. He then laughed and said, "I call him Sharkey! He bit your boobie!" I didn't even know what to say to that. So, I said, "He's a dolphin." Wow. Way to educate the future. It wasn't a SHARK that bit me in the boob, it was a DOLPHIN. Teacher of the year.
Last week, another group of small children I was passing while walking my class to lunch said, "Hey, you have a clown face!" I at first thought they must be talking to another child, but no...they were addressing me. I stopped and said, "Excuse me?" and they repeated, "You have a clown face." I said, "Wow. THANK you! That is SO sweet of you!!!" I began to walk away, But no. It wasn't over. Another child grabbed my leg, and began hugging me. The child's arms began moving slowly up my leg and well....it was sort of an uncomfortable; almost a sexual assault. Before I could stop the child, their hands were in my "No no, don't touch" place. I quickly said, "Whoa....let's move the arms down a little, k?" After that, I hear from behind me, "Yeah, you do have a clown face. And a clown nose." By now, I was flustered, and yet curious as to what made these children think my face was clownish at that particular time. I said, "Really? What about my nose is like a clown? Is it big and red and does it have a red ball on it? Is it just big? Do I have clown feet? Do I have a frownie face drawn over my lips?" To which the answer was a couple of seconds of quiet contemplation on the part of the child, then a definite affirmative nod and these words, "Yes. Your nose is gigantic and red and like a clown."
So. I look like a pregnant clown with a larger than average clown nose. AND someone got to third base with me without even trying.
CRAZY ASSED NAME UPDATE:
People. Okay. I'm trying to be calm, but last night on the news, some dude named "LYSANDER" was interviewed after a drive by shooting or something.
If you are going to name your child after a character in a play by Shakespeare, look it up, for the love! Lysander wasn't even a major character or even all that interesting in "A Midsummer Night's Dream". Seriously. Neither was Demetrius.
Oh, and I almost forgot: going with Biblical names is popular and I did it myself with one of my kids, however....be careful. Please. Check out who it was before you hang the moniker around your offspring's neck. Don't name your kid "Job". Coupla reasons. Number one: People will mispronounce it forever. They will think it's pronounced like the place you go to earn a living. "Hey, Job! How ya doin?" Only they will say "Job" like, "I have a job at Walmart". Not good. Plus, Job wasn't the happiest of dudes. Faithful, yes. Lucky? Not so much and very sad. Terrible luck, that Job dude.
David is a favorite. I approve of David even if he was a bit of a perv. Come on...who isn't?
Where I live there are a TON of guys named Jesus. Pronounced the Spanish way. Not the English way. I've never met anyone who pronounces it the English way as in "Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing???" Never. No Jehovahs, either. Thankfully.
Mary and Joseph are good. I guess. Actually, yes. They are great. They are easy, and just good old fashioned names. They seemed like pretty good people in the Bible, if you look past the whole "immaculate conception" deal with Mary, that is. I think Joseph was a pretty damned patient guy.
Noah is a name I considered for my second son, but was vetoed by my then husband. I don't know why. Maybe because he found out Noah was actually a bit of a perv himself and IN THE BIBLE it tells you that he went into his son's tent naked, and then it gets a bit vague but makes it quite clear that his other sons drug him outta there and gave him an ass whuppin'. Savior of humanity during the flood or perv? I don't know. Could be both, I guess.
Matthew, Mark, Luke, Peter, Paul and John are all fine. Not that I believe their writings or beliefs, but nice, normal, easy to spell, easy to pronounce names.
DON'T NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER SOMETHING YOU HEAR THE NURSE OR OB/GYN SAY IN THE DELIVERY ROOM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON'T!!!
I have seen: "Placenta", "Placentia" and various other horrific things.
How about this one: this is an actual child that I know of here where I live. And before you ask, NO, I'm NOT shitting you.
Get ready. Here it is:
SHITHEAD. Yep. Shithead. Pronounced, "Shuh-theed" My ass. That kid's name is Shithead. Imagine that on an interview. The only way it could be worse would be if the poor child's last name was "Dumas". It probably is, too.
If you are going to name your child after a character in a play by Shakespeare, look it up, for the love! Lysander wasn't even a major character or even all that interesting in "A Midsummer Night's Dream". Seriously. Neither was Demetrius.
Oh, and I almost forgot: going with Biblical names is popular and I did it myself with one of my kids, however....be careful. Please. Check out who it was before you hang the moniker around your offspring's neck. Don't name your kid "Job". Coupla reasons. Number one: People will mispronounce it forever. They will think it's pronounced like the place you go to earn a living. "Hey, Job! How ya doin?" Only they will say "Job" like, "I have a job at Walmart". Not good. Plus, Job wasn't the happiest of dudes. Faithful, yes. Lucky? Not so much and very sad. Terrible luck, that Job dude.
David is a favorite. I approve of David even if he was a bit of a perv. Come on...who isn't?
Where I live there are a TON of guys named Jesus. Pronounced the Spanish way. Not the English way. I've never met anyone who pronounces it the English way as in "Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing???" Never. No Jehovahs, either. Thankfully.
Mary and Joseph are good. I guess. Actually, yes. They are great. They are easy, and just good old fashioned names. They seemed like pretty good people in the Bible, if you look past the whole "immaculate conception" deal with Mary, that is. I think Joseph was a pretty damned patient guy.
Noah is a name I considered for my second son, but was vetoed by my then husband. I don't know why. Maybe because he found out Noah was actually a bit of a perv himself and IN THE BIBLE it tells you that he went into his son's tent naked, and then it gets a bit vague but makes it quite clear that his other sons drug him outta there and gave him an ass whuppin'. Savior of humanity during the flood or perv? I don't know. Could be both, I guess.
Matthew, Mark, Luke, Peter, Paul and John are all fine. Not that I believe their writings or beliefs, but nice, normal, easy to spell, easy to pronounce names.
DON'T NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER SOMETHING YOU HEAR THE NURSE OR OB/GYN SAY IN THE DELIVERY ROOM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON'T!!!
I have seen: "Placenta", "Placentia" and various other horrific things.
How about this one: this is an actual child that I know of here where I live. And before you ask, NO, I'm NOT shitting you.
Get ready. Here it is:
SHITHEAD. Yep. Shithead. Pronounced, "Shuh-theed" My ass. That kid's name is Shithead. Imagine that on an interview. The only way it could be worse would be if the poor child's last name was "Dumas". It probably is, too.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Seriously
As that little bird on that kid's show says, "This is sewiouuuus". My children are no longer small, so I am not up on all the kid's shows, anymore. I used to be, but no more. However, who could have missed the YouTube clip of that chick or duckling or whatever it is wearing an aviator's cap? The cap alone makes it epic.
So, I thought I was managing my tremors, etc. pretty admirably. Today, a co-worker who knows nothing of my "condition" or whatever innocently asked why half of my face was "frozen". Now I'm scared shitless. Evidently, occasionally half of my face will not move when I talk. Normally, my face is pretty expressive, but someone NOTICED this. I didn't even know it was going on.
My parents are making me an absolute basket case, but I guess that is to be expected by now.
So, I thought I was managing my tremors, etc. pretty admirably. Today, a co-worker who knows nothing of my "condition" or whatever innocently asked why half of my face was "frozen". Now I'm scared shitless. Evidently, occasionally half of my face will not move when I talk. Normally, my face is pretty expressive, but someone NOTICED this. I didn't even know it was going on.
My parents are making me an absolute basket case, but I guess that is to be expected by now.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Stop the MADNESS!!!
Here's the deal: there needs to be some sort of guidelines or book or LAWS even that prevent people from naming their children horrendously heinous things. Seriously.
A couple of names I've seen or experienced as actual legal names of children lately:
Sexana. Couple of problems with this name. Number one: WHAT.THE.HELL? Number two: What can this child expect to do for a living when they grow up? I can think of three things: 1. Stripper 2. Prostitute 3. Porn star. Seriously. SEXANA? God bless you, child. You'll need it. Shame on your idiot parents.
Any variation of "Queen" "Princess" "Prince" "Duke" "Duchess" "Count" "Sir"...just any royalty based or that sort of claptrap. Stop it. I'm not calling your child "Sir" anything. He's a child. (Hopefully the child is a boy if named "Sir", however, don't count on it.)
Any variation of gemstones. Please, for the love, no more "DIAMONDS" or "SAPPHIRES" or anything like that. Come on. "And now, Gentlemen, I present to you our star performer on the pole....Princess Sexana Diamond!!!!" Oh, this includes "Jade" and any variation to include "Jadyn" or any other made up crap.
Stupid spellings of fairly common names in an attempt to make them more "unique". Don't be a moron! If it's a fairly common name, it cannot be unique! "Madison" should not be "Madysin" or "Madisyn" or any other nonsense. "Mackenzie" is a last name, first of all, then, do not further complicate it by spelling it, ""Mackynzie" or crap like that. Seriously. Think of the child's difficulty learning to spell that in Kindergarten. For the love. Teachers work to teach phonics, and you throw a damned wrench in the plans with some effed up misspelled name that follows no phonetic rules. Please. Settle for Beth. Settle for Mary. Settle for Ann. Come on.
Stop being dumbass medieval fakers. Don't try to use Shakespearean names especially when you've probably never read any of his works. A big fat "NO" goes to "Cymbeline" because you don't know what she was, and you'll spell it all jacked up. (I do consider "Jack" to be a PERFECT name for a boy, however. Nathaniel and Tyler are also excellent male names. Just my humble opinion of my children's names.)
Forget "Ophelia". For the love of God, she killed herself after being used in a plot to bring down the potential Kingdom of the man she sorta had a crush on. She had a pervert father who did nothing but stand behind curtains and eavesdrop for the treacherous murderous fake King who had killed her "boyfriend's" father who was the actual King. THEN, married Hamlet's (Ophelia's crazy/not crazy crush) mother. Incidentally, the real king was the fake king's BROTHER. So he killed his own brother, then married his sister in law. No wonder Ophelia killed herself and Hamlet was a nutjob.
"Juliet" killed herself, too, by the way. "Julius Caesar" not only was real, but he was viciously assassinated by a bunch of dudes including his best friend, Brutus. So, Brutus is off the table, too. ROMEO? Please. No more Romeos. I cannot handle it. Anything including "Maxim", "Maximus", etc...forget it.
Don't expect me to call your child "Precious" or "Treasure" or "Priceless". Please. I don't even call my own kids that all the time. I'm sure not going to call your kid that.
Don't name your child after an animal. No "Ravens" or "Falcons" or other stupid black eyeliner inspired names, please. Go listen to Morrissey and smoke clove cigarettes instead. Please. Don't bring a human being into it and give them a horrific name.
Leave the random punctuation marks out of it, I beg of you. Don't string a bunch of letters together, stick a few accent marks and hyphens in it and call it a name. It isn't, and everyone will always misspell your child's name. No more "De" before a name. No more "Le" or "La" prior to a name. Quit sticking the letter "O" at the end of your son's name.
Quit naming all your kids with names that start with the same first letter. It gets so damned confusing. "This is Susan, Sterling, Simian, Spawn, Sperm, Spleen, and Spain. They are all the Smith children. " Are you that lazy? Are you THAT into alliteration????
Finally, to end my completely self-serving rant, I'd like to say, please don't choose some random combination of letters, not know how to pronounce it, then look it up and not be able to find it. THEN, say, "I'm not sure it's a real name...should I use it?" If you have to ask that, the answer is most definitively NO.
A couple of names I've seen or experienced as actual legal names of children lately:
Sexana. Couple of problems with this name. Number one: WHAT.THE.HELL? Number two: What can this child expect to do for a living when they grow up? I can think of three things: 1. Stripper 2. Prostitute 3. Porn star. Seriously. SEXANA? God bless you, child. You'll need it. Shame on your idiot parents.
Any variation of "Queen" "Princess" "Prince" "Duke" "Duchess" "Count" "Sir"...just any royalty based or that sort of claptrap. Stop it. I'm not calling your child "Sir" anything. He's a child. (Hopefully the child is a boy if named "Sir", however, don't count on it.)
Any variation of gemstones. Please, for the love, no more "DIAMONDS" or "SAPPHIRES" or anything like that. Come on. "And now, Gentlemen, I present to you our star performer on the pole....Princess Sexana Diamond!!!!" Oh, this includes "Jade" and any variation to include "Jadyn" or any other made up crap.
Stupid spellings of fairly common names in an attempt to make them more "unique". Don't be a moron! If it's a fairly common name, it cannot be unique! "Madison" should not be "Madysin" or "Madisyn" or any other nonsense. "Mackenzie" is a last name, first of all, then, do not further complicate it by spelling it, ""Mackynzie" or crap like that. Seriously. Think of the child's difficulty learning to spell that in Kindergarten. For the love. Teachers work to teach phonics, and you throw a damned wrench in the plans with some effed up misspelled name that follows no phonetic rules. Please. Settle for Beth. Settle for Mary. Settle for Ann. Come on.
Stop being dumbass medieval fakers. Don't try to use Shakespearean names especially when you've probably never read any of his works. A big fat "NO" goes to "Cymbeline" because you don't know what she was, and you'll spell it all jacked up. (I do consider "Jack" to be a PERFECT name for a boy, however. Nathaniel and Tyler are also excellent male names. Just my humble opinion of my children's names.)
Forget "Ophelia". For the love of God, she killed herself after being used in a plot to bring down the potential Kingdom of the man she sorta had a crush on. She had a pervert father who did nothing but stand behind curtains and eavesdrop for the treacherous murderous fake King who had killed her "boyfriend's" father who was the actual King. THEN, married Hamlet's (Ophelia's crazy/not crazy crush) mother. Incidentally, the real king was the fake king's BROTHER. So he killed his own brother, then married his sister in law. No wonder Ophelia killed herself and Hamlet was a nutjob.
"Juliet" killed herself, too, by the way. "Julius Caesar" not only was real, but he was viciously assassinated by a bunch of dudes including his best friend, Brutus. So, Brutus is off the table, too. ROMEO? Please. No more Romeos. I cannot handle it. Anything including "Maxim", "Maximus", etc...forget it.
Don't expect me to call your child "Precious" or "Treasure" or "Priceless". Please. I don't even call my own kids that all the time. I'm sure not going to call your kid that.
Don't name your child after an animal. No "Ravens" or "Falcons" or other stupid black eyeliner inspired names, please. Go listen to Morrissey and smoke clove cigarettes instead. Please. Don't bring a human being into it and give them a horrific name.
Leave the random punctuation marks out of it, I beg of you. Don't string a bunch of letters together, stick a few accent marks and hyphens in it and call it a name. It isn't, and everyone will always misspell your child's name. No more "De" before a name. No more "Le" or "La" prior to a name. Quit sticking the letter "O" at the end of your son's name.
Quit naming all your kids with names that start with the same first letter. It gets so damned confusing. "This is Susan, Sterling, Simian, Spawn, Sperm, Spleen, and Spain. They are all the Smith children. " Are you that lazy? Are you THAT into alliteration????
Finally, to end my completely self-serving rant, I'd like to say, please don't choose some random combination of letters, not know how to pronounce it, then look it up and not be able to find it. THEN, say, "I'm not sure it's a real name...should I use it?" If you have to ask that, the answer is most definitively NO.
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