July 29, 2007
They want something more sophisticated than a HOT DOG
So. I'm home. We were in the UK for two weeks. I'm sure I'll have to write about it with several blogs. I keep remembering things and saying "Oh my GOD...do you remember so and so?"...anyhow...
1st: If there is a place in the world experiencing a drought...send me a ticket and give me GOOD accomodations and I'll come out. I seem to bring torrential flooding rains wherever I go.
2nd: England is GORGEOUS. Truly. I'm one of those people who get as much as possible out of a place. I'll look at the cobblestones and just holler "What are you kidding me??? These streets are hundreds of years old!!! This rocks!" And I just could sit and people watch and LOVE it, right? I have fun almost anywhere I go. Sanford is the same way. We are perfect travelling companions. We tolerate our kids' company..we figure they are seeing things that they may never see again, after all...and someday, they'll thank us.
3rd: Pubs everywhere. Awesome. Want a pint of good dark beer at 10:30 am? No problem. Pimm's is awesome, too. Love that stuff. Add pomegranate juice to it, and I'm in heaven.
Now....for some other stuff. The flat we rented: the guy who owns it and rents out flats in London is actually French. I thought he was a she until I met him face to face. He is an ex model. How do I know? He had a huge assed catalog full of his photographs...however...they were him 20 years ago. He's aged. (Haven't we all...) Anyhow...since we did a "self-catering" option...we had to do our laundry and there was no maid service. He said the nearest tube station was "about 5 minutes" LIE. FILTHY DAMNED STUPID LIE. We were between London Bridge Station and Borough Station. Both were at the VERY least 20 minutes by foot. No problem for us, but my Mom was with us. My continually complaining Mom. Also, the weather in England is oddly changeable. It is literally sunny and beautiful one second and raining heavily two seconds later. Go ANYWHERE without an umbrella and/or a light jacket or hoodie...and do so at your own peril. The whole flat was decorated from IKEA. Everything. It was in a neighborhood that is going through a sort of urban renewal..so every few blocks it is very nice and hip and trendy..and then you get a section that is like projects. Let's say we were in the projects. I'm sure our flat was like Buckingham Palace compared to the flats in our complex. Also, the stairs outside....people pee on the landings. Why? I do.not.know. If it smells like pee, and it's yellow....it's pee.
We were about 1/2 mile from Tower Bridge and the Tower of London. That was great.
Now...as far as the title of this blog. What the hell does THAT mean?!??! Well, we used the tube everyday. They use the tube for lots of little mini-billboards. One billboard(I do not even know what was being advertised)...said something like: "What we want is somethiing with intelligence, sophisticated..blah blah blah...you know..something more than a HOT DOG.."
Clearly a dig at America. We encountered anti-Americanism WAY more in Britain than in France. Anyhow, my daughter and I were ticked off at it, and I said, "More than a HOT DOG? How about ohhhh....I don't know....Eisenhower?"
Daughter: "Dentistry"
Me: "The Atomic Bomb"
Daughter: "Here's some food for thought...oh wait..they have no teeth..they can't chew..."
My Mom: "The Polio Vaccine"
Me: Eisenhower
Me: Plus, the Germans gave us hot dogs...these people would be speaking German right now if it weren't for America...
This blog has gone on long enough. I've got tons more..both good and bad. We did have wonderful times I have to tell about....
Allow me to say that the country is DIRTY and the people seem to be impoverished and willing to settle for very little and I'm sorry but I'm NOT STANDING IN LINE AT A BAR FOR A FREAKING BEER. I want a waiter....FAST. And they come to ME.
Currently listening:
God Bless America
By Various Artists
Saturday, July 10, 2010
July 11, 2007
July 11, 2007
Ringie Dingie
Yeah, so guess who called me today? That's right! That craptastic airline, ATA! They fucking CALLED ME ON THE PHONE while I was attempting to get some stuff packed before our whirlwind clusterfuck tour of the UK. I HATE the telephone. Let's just get that out of the way right now. HATE.IT. So, I'm annoyed that it's ringing in the first place. I have 3 kids, two of whom are teenagers. That shit should barely get a whole ring out of if before one of the kids answers it. Anyhow, obviously, nobody was gonna answer it, and I look on the Caller ID, and I see (hang on, I gotta look and see what the hell ATA stands for on the Caller ID...) Okay...I see "Amer. Trans. Air 317-241-2221" heheh. Anyhow...I jerked the phone up because I realize that is ATA the butt-munchers. (And that is their phone number if you would like to telephone them for any reason at all....)
Me: *long silence...* "Yessss?"
Poor Perky Northern girl who had NO idea what she was walking into: "Is this ________?"
Me: Yes it is.
(We'll just call her dumbass): Ohhhh...good morning! How are you today?!? (very perky and that Illinois/Wisconsin kind of accent)
Me: I'm Jim Dandy.
Dumbass: Oh. Well, I'm calling from A.T.A. airlines?
Me:..........
Dumbass: Umm...and...uhhh...I'm calling in response to your recent email?
Me: Yes.
Dumbass: Um, well...we at ATA think it is very unfortunate that you had a bad experience..
Me: *Interrupting* Excuse me....my children were lost in one of the world's largest airports because your employees didn't care and nobody would help them. I think that is a bit more serious than "unfortunate".
Dumbass: Uhhhh...could you please hold for just a second?
Me: Sure.
So she is gone for a few minutes and I'm stomping around the house picking up stuff and starting laundry and hollering at kids and doing whatever it is that I do.
She comes back on....
Dumbass: Well...I've checked and it says here that your children were 11.
Me: *Interrupting* and 14..yes, I know how old my children are....is there a reason you are calling me?
Dumbass: Well, when you made the reservations..
Me: *Interrupting* I didn't make the reservations. My ex-husband did. I got to the airport in Dallas, stood in line at your ticket counter, explained to your ticket agent that I was picking up my MINOR children, offered her my copy of the eticket I had printed, along with my identification, and she told me that I could not go to the gate because an extra FEE had not been paid to designate my children as UNaccompanied MINORS. Now, in the eyes of the LAW, my children are indeed minors, and when my husband called 911 to report two missing children, they were reported as minors...my ex-husband was allowed to accompany them to the gate in Chicago, however since a FEE had not been paid so that they didn't have a sign hung around their necks or something that said WE ARE UNACCOMPANIED MINORS...I couldn't go through security, and believe me....security is ready for ME because I bought medicine from freakin' Canada! I would have stripped naked, submitted to a full body cavity search or whatever the HELL they wanted, because I just wanted to PICK UP MY CHILDREN, but hell NO....I DIDN'T PAY A FREAKIN' FEE...and
Dumbass: *Interrupting*: Could you please hold on?
Me: YEAH
I was mad as hell because these dickheads had called me and stirred it all up again.
So, she comes back on the line and says,
Dumbass: "I've checked with two supervisors and they confirm that since the fee wasn-
Me: So help me God, do not tell me that there is not one person in your whole damned company that isn't enough of a decent human being to help two children when they ask for help! My kids asked one of your flight attendants....she said she couldn't help them. They asked your gate agent....he couldn't help them...they asked a security guard...he didn't speak English well enough for my kids to understand HIM...and the person who FINALLY got them was someone I had your baggage agent send out to FIND them. Not ONE person was decent enough to help KIDS????? As a human being if someone asks me for help I'll try and help them! Now if you are just going to keep giving me shit, leave me the hell alone!
And I hung up on her. Bitch. That whole company represents what's wrong with corporate America. That is why domestic airlines SUCK. In general. I've had good luck with Southwest...but you couldn't FORCE me onto a Delta flight ever again. And if you fly A.T.A. ....you're asking for an ass raping.
and I think I like Barack Obama. There. Now I have to get some sleep and get ready for a freakin' 9 hour FLIGHT ON AN AIRPLANE and a two week trip WITH MY MOTHER IN TOW. Man I am pissed off again, now.
Oh..OH! WAIT! THIS IS GOOD! Sanford has so many virus' and spyware on his computer that it is effed up pretty damned good. So, he decided to try and renew his virus shit without asking me for help, right? Hehehehe....and I'm the one that told him he has this shit on his computer...and it's from porn sites...like I don't know...or like I care. He's the ONE man on the Earth that doesn't visit porn sites...oh my GOD!
So, I was telling him..."ok...the deal is...this stuff gets put on your computer and you don't know...it's not like they ask you...but when you go to sites like...gaming sites...gambling sites...porn sites.....it gets put on there, and you don't even know..."
And he got all nervous...and I said, "Oh God..relax...like you're the only man who doesn't go to Porn sites...christ...." So he is now on the phone with some dude in Pakistan or somewhere with Norton Anti-virus because he has his computer so EFFED up. and I won't fix it this time. hehe.
Sweet dreams!
Ringie Dingie
Yeah, so guess who called me today? That's right! That craptastic airline, ATA! They fucking CALLED ME ON THE PHONE while I was attempting to get some stuff packed before our whirlwind clusterfuck tour of the UK. I HATE the telephone. Let's just get that out of the way right now. HATE.IT. So, I'm annoyed that it's ringing in the first place. I have 3 kids, two of whom are teenagers. That shit should barely get a whole ring out of if before one of the kids answers it. Anyhow, obviously, nobody was gonna answer it, and I look on the Caller ID, and I see (hang on, I gotta look and see what the hell ATA stands for on the Caller ID...) Okay...I see "Amer. Trans. Air 317-241-2221" heheh. Anyhow...I jerked the phone up because I realize that is ATA the butt-munchers. (And that is their phone number if you would like to telephone them for any reason at all....)
Me: *long silence...* "Yessss?"
Poor Perky Northern girl who had NO idea what she was walking into: "Is this ________?"
Me: Yes it is.
(We'll just call her dumbass): Ohhhh...good morning! How are you today?!? (very perky and that Illinois/Wisconsin kind of accent)
Me: I'm Jim Dandy.
Dumbass: Oh. Well, I'm calling from A.T.A. airlines?
Me:..........
Dumbass: Umm...and...uhhh...I'm calling in response to your recent email?
Me: Yes.
Dumbass: Um, well...we at ATA think it is very unfortunate that you had a bad experience..
Me: *Interrupting* Excuse me....my children were lost in one of the world's largest airports because your employees didn't care and nobody would help them. I think that is a bit more serious than "unfortunate".
Dumbass: Uhhhh...could you please hold for just a second?
Me: Sure.
So she is gone for a few minutes and I'm stomping around the house picking up stuff and starting laundry and hollering at kids and doing whatever it is that I do.
She comes back on....
Dumbass: Well...I've checked and it says here that your children were 11.
Me: *Interrupting* and 14..yes, I know how old my children are....is there a reason you are calling me?
Dumbass: Well, when you made the reservations..
Me: *Interrupting* I didn't make the reservations. My ex-husband did. I got to the airport in Dallas, stood in line at your ticket counter, explained to your ticket agent that I was picking up my MINOR children, offered her my copy of the eticket I had printed, along with my identification, and she told me that I could not go to the gate because an extra FEE had not been paid to designate my children as UNaccompanied MINORS. Now, in the eyes of the LAW, my children are indeed minors, and when my husband called 911 to report two missing children, they were reported as minors...my ex-husband was allowed to accompany them to the gate in Chicago, however since a FEE had not been paid so that they didn't have a sign hung around their necks or something that said WE ARE UNACCOMPANIED MINORS...I couldn't go through security, and believe me....security is ready for ME because I bought medicine from freakin' Canada! I would have stripped naked, submitted to a full body cavity search or whatever the HELL they wanted, because I just wanted to PICK UP MY CHILDREN, but hell NO....I DIDN'T PAY A FREAKIN' FEE...and
Dumbass: *Interrupting*: Could you please hold on?
Me: YEAH
I was mad as hell because these dickheads had called me and stirred it all up again.
So, she comes back on the line and says,
Dumbass: "I've checked with two supervisors and they confirm that since the fee wasn-
Me: So help me God, do not tell me that there is not one person in your whole damned company that isn't enough of a decent human being to help two children when they ask for help! My kids asked one of your flight attendants....she said she couldn't help them. They asked your gate agent....he couldn't help them...they asked a security guard...he didn't speak English well enough for my kids to understand HIM...and the person who FINALLY got them was someone I had your baggage agent send out to FIND them. Not ONE person was decent enough to help KIDS????? As a human being if someone asks me for help I'll try and help them! Now if you are just going to keep giving me shit, leave me the hell alone!
And I hung up on her. Bitch. That whole company represents what's wrong with corporate America. That is why domestic airlines SUCK. In general. I've had good luck with Southwest...but you couldn't FORCE me onto a Delta flight ever again. And if you fly A.T.A. ....you're asking for an ass raping.
and I think I like Barack Obama. There. Now I have to get some sleep and get ready for a freakin' 9 hour FLIGHT ON AN AIRPLANE and a two week trip WITH MY MOTHER IN TOW. Man I am pissed off again, now.
Oh..OH! WAIT! THIS IS GOOD! Sanford has so many virus' and spyware on his computer that it is effed up pretty damned good. So, he decided to try and renew his virus shit without asking me for help, right? Hehehehe....and I'm the one that told him he has this shit on his computer...and it's from porn sites...like I don't know...or like I care. He's the ONE man on the Earth that doesn't visit porn sites...oh my GOD!
So, I was telling him..."ok...the deal is...this stuff gets put on your computer and you don't know...it's not like they ask you...but when you go to sites like...gaming sites...gambling sites...porn sites.....it gets put on there, and you don't even know..."
And he got all nervous...and I said, "Oh God..relax...like you're the only man who doesn't go to Porn sites...christ...." So he is now on the phone with some dude in Pakistan or somewhere with Norton Anti-virus because he has his computer so EFFED up. and I won't fix it this time. hehe.
Sweet dreams!
July 8, 2007
July 08, 2007
Water
So, I buy a TON of bottled water. But I buy the raspberry water. I LIVE on it. I cannot exist without it. I don't like strawberry. I don't like lemon, I don't like Crystal Light shit. I like a particular type. And this town is CONTINUALLY running out of it. And this annoys and irks me. So, today I got tricked into going into a store that sells foodstuffs. A grocery store, if you will. I felt like an Amish person in an electronics store. So, they don't have my water. So I bought one of those water filter pitchers and guess what!?!?!? They let you put in these little flavor cartridges! Raspberry! I'm hooked up! Now I'm happy! And I won't drink regular water because it has nastiness in it. There is so much CHLORINE in water it's unreal...not to mention all the other shit. And we SHOWER in it! Ugh! My eyes water everytime the bathroom door opens after someone has showered and all the steam comes out.
And I think Saaphyri from "Charm School Girls" is rockin'. 100%. And yes, I just admitted to watching that atrocious television show.
Shut up and suck it.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
8:02 PM
Water
So, I buy a TON of bottled water. But I buy the raspberry water. I LIVE on it. I cannot exist without it. I don't like strawberry. I don't like lemon, I don't like Crystal Light shit. I like a particular type. And this town is CONTINUALLY running out of it. And this annoys and irks me. So, today I got tricked into going into a store that sells foodstuffs. A grocery store, if you will. I felt like an Amish person in an electronics store. So, they don't have my water. So I bought one of those water filter pitchers and guess what!?!?!? They let you put in these little flavor cartridges! Raspberry! I'm hooked up! Now I'm happy! And I won't drink regular water because it has nastiness in it. There is so much CHLORINE in water it's unreal...not to mention all the other shit. And we SHOWER in it! Ugh! My eyes water everytime the bathroom door opens after someone has showered and all the steam comes out.
And I think Saaphyri from "Charm School Girls" is rockin'. 100%. And yes, I just admitted to watching that atrocious television show.
Shut up and suck it.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
8:02 PM
July 4, 2007
July 04, 2007
Books
So, I've been reading a lot. I just finished "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. I highly recommend it. #1: Joan Didion...I mean come on. #2: It's about the year right after her husband died suddenly from a massive heart attack and her daughter was in a coma. She writes so precisely and beautifully about grieving and the psychological processes one goes through....I'd pay any amount of money to be able to write like Joan Didion. It's breathtaking.
I recently read "Life on Planet Rock" by Lonn Friend. It was so-so. Lonn Friend seems like a dickhead to me. I thought it would be full of juicy gossip about bands, but naaah.
"Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts is BEAUTIFUL. Absolutely GORGEOUS. India is a place I've never really wanted to visit, but now I do.
"The Memory Keeper's Daughter" was very good, too. It's one of those books I've seen several times, but never purchased. I finally bought it and read it. It was pretty good.
You know, "To Catch a Predator" on MSNBC is on, and those dudes who try to meet 13 year olds to have sex they've talked to on the internet make me wanna hurl. The EXCUSES they make are UNREAL! The a PARADE of men going to these houses to try and have sex with a child. Wigs me out.
If you haven't seen the "Dramatic Chipmunk" or "Dramatic Prairie Dog", Google that shit and laugh your ass off. Just Google "Dramatic Chipmunk" or "Prairie Dog" and watch. It's worth the several seconds it takes. I promise.
Yes, these are the things that I waste my time on.
OOH! My effin' lawyer is on TV on a commercial and you guys..he is such an asshole. I swear. I don't even wanna think about it.
Currently reading:
The Painted Veil
By W. Somerset Maugham
Release date: 14 November, 2006
Books
So, I've been reading a lot. I just finished "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. I highly recommend it. #1: Joan Didion...I mean come on. #2: It's about the year right after her husband died suddenly from a massive heart attack and her daughter was in a coma. She writes so precisely and beautifully about grieving and the psychological processes one goes through....I'd pay any amount of money to be able to write like Joan Didion. It's breathtaking.
I recently read "Life on Planet Rock" by Lonn Friend. It was so-so. Lonn Friend seems like a dickhead to me. I thought it would be full of juicy gossip about bands, but naaah.
"Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts is BEAUTIFUL. Absolutely GORGEOUS. India is a place I've never really wanted to visit, but now I do.
"The Memory Keeper's Daughter" was very good, too. It's one of those books I've seen several times, but never purchased. I finally bought it and read it. It was pretty good.
You know, "To Catch a Predator" on MSNBC is on, and those dudes who try to meet 13 year olds to have sex they've talked to on the internet make me wanna hurl. The EXCUSES they make are UNREAL! The a PARADE of men going to these houses to try and have sex with a child. Wigs me out.
If you haven't seen the "Dramatic Chipmunk" or "Dramatic Prairie Dog", Google that shit and laugh your ass off. Just Google "Dramatic Chipmunk" or "Prairie Dog" and watch. It's worth the several seconds it takes. I promise.
Yes, these are the things that I waste my time on.
OOH! My effin' lawyer is on TV on a commercial and you guys..he is such an asshole. I swear. I don't even wanna think about it.
Currently reading:
The Painted Veil
By W. Somerset Maugham
Release date: 14 November, 2006
July 3, 2007
July 03, 2007
Facts
So. Chuck Norris. I'm not a big fan. But some people are. And there are facts aplenty..I live in a military town and he is BIG with the soldiers. So here for your pleasure are some "Chuck Norris FACTS"
* Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
*There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
*Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
*The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
*On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
*Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
*Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
*Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
*Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
*When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
*Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
*Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
*Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
*Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
*When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
*The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
That's all for today. I have to go watch the "Reno-911 movie" with Sanford now. My mind needs enrichment.
Facts
So. Chuck Norris. I'm not a big fan. But some people are. And there are facts aplenty..I live in a military town and he is BIG with the soldiers. So here for your pleasure are some "Chuck Norris FACTS"
* Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
*There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
*Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
*The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
*On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
*Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
*Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
*Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
*Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
*When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
*Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
*Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
*Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
*Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
*When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
*The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
That's all for today. I have to go watch the "Reno-911 movie" with Sanford now. My mind needs enrichment.
July 2, 2007
July 02, 2007
WTF?
So, my Mom is nuts. She comes out with these random assed demands and comments that are just not normal. The other day she told me:
"I had a dream that my mother was alive again."
Me: Uh-huh...
Mom: She was young and beautiful again..
Me: Well....she was young once, but beautiful?
Mom: WELL! I THOUGHT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL WHEN I WAS A CHILD!
Me: Uh-huh..
Mom: In my dream, she was beckoning to me....she was saying, 'come to me...come...come....come be with me...."
Me: Uhhhh....creepy...
Mom: She wanted me to be with her.
Me: Mom...she's dead. She wanted you to be dead with her?
Mom: Yeah!
Me: Well,that's disturbing..
Mom: No...it's not. She just wants me....
Me: Dude...she's DEAD. Are you saying your mother is trying to kill you? Like her ghost? Her spirit?
Mom: Well, not KILL me...but she wants me to come be with her.
Me: Uhhhhh...so.....she doesn't want to KILL you, but she wants you DEAD....
Mom: yeah! But i can't go yet.
Me: you can't?
Mom: Oh, no!
Me: Uhhhh...dare I ask why?
Mom: I have work to do , still!
Me: Do you think Grandma's ghost CARES? Or is she going to take that under advisement?
Mom: Oh. i don't know.
And that was our whole freakin' conversation.
Then, we were walking through a department store the other day, and we were walking through the lingerie department. She sees a beautiful peignoir set. It had a totally worthless bed jacket. It was gorgeous, but that was all it was good for...the beauty of it. It was sheer white, white very pale roses embroidered on it and it cost almost $200 for just the little bolero-like bed jacket. She stopped in front of it and tells me, Sanford and my father who she is separated from, but still married to:
"When I'm dying, and in the hospital...I want to wear this set. Okay? OKAY? DO YOU YEAR ME? PROMISE?'
I said, "Sure...then we'll ship you off to a cheap ass hourly hotel downtown and have KFC delivered to you everday..."
Now, she isn't ill...she is in her early 60s..no reason for this shit.
Now, on to the real business. I have my boys back. We had to go pick them up in Dallas. At DFW. Big airport, right? My ex...(AKA: Sphincter) paid to fly the boys home on some dipshit airline called "ATA". Sanford calls it "Mohammed ATA" airline. (Mohammed Atta was one of the 9/11 hijackers). Anyhow, we get to the airport in PLENTY..and I do mean PUUUUUULEEEEEEEHHHHNNNTY of time. I go up to FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING DIPSHIT ASS SUCKING ATA airlines ticket counter. I tell them I'm picking up two minor children. They check their little ticky tack computer...sure enough, my two children are on the plane. Great. Excellent. Good to know. Plane is a little late. Fine. We pretty much expect that now-a-days, don't we? Then the stupid assed fucking bitch woman working the desk who evidently relishes this part of her job says..."Says here one of the kids is 14..."
Me: Yes. one of them is. The other is 11. Can i please get a pass to meet them at the gate?
Fucking whore bitch: No. The extra fee wasn't paid to classify them as "unaccompanied minors" The 14 year old is considered an adult accompanying the 11 year old. They will have to find their way to the baggage claim.
Me: Excuse me? They can't possibly find their way to the baggage claim from the gate by themselves. They are expecting me to be at the gate to meet them. They are children. The last time I was able to meet them. I'll give you my driver's license, my wallet, my purse..whatever you wish....but I need to be able to meet them at the gate, please.
Fucking whore assed bitch who thought she was in charge: No. You can't go. Wait at baggage claim. NEXT.
Me: What? This is ridiculous. Is there someone I can speak with?
Now, this is when you realize airports will have your ass escorted right the hell out of airports these days. My fucking name is on the homeland security list because I attempted to buy medicine from our arch nemesis CANADA....no way they'll let ME do anything. Damned assholes. However, a delivery truck was parked outside the terminal for 2 hours. Comforting.
So, we meanwhile tried to contact that effin' goddamned airline everyway we could...meanwhile...their incompetent ticket counter fucking CLOSED..it wasn't even 7pm yet. THEY CLOSED. Their plane lands. The way DFW is set up, you can't see the gates...people are coming through the revolving doors...pretty soon, nobody else is coming through...I am getting a sick feeling in my stomach. Sanford goes to tell the security people...their response was "You'll have to call the airlines 800 number..." He said "Fuck that" and called 911 and reported two missing children in the airport.
Meanwhile, I found the hapless baggage agent and and went up to him and said
"You get on your phone, you call the gate and you find my two children, and do NOT tell me to go to your worthless counter, it's closed...my two children are missing and I'll tear this airport apart if they are not in my arms in two minutes..." He never said a word, but picked up his phone and then said, "Are they 11 and 14?" and I said, "Yes." and he said, "They are being brought up...they were lost.."
FUCKING LOST. the 11 year old was in tears. They came through the revolving doors and into my arms and I find out they had asked flight attendants, the gate agent and several other people where they were to go. NOBODY helped them. They finally found a security guard who showed them where to go. People kept telling them "Baggage claim E31" Swell. WHERE THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!? I am so mad STILL.
THEN...we get home and I start unpacking their suitcases and there is a notice from the NTSA stating that the suitcase had been hand searched. Inside was two hunks of modeling clay. Hmmmm...in an X-ray it happens to look like C4. No wonder they had to hand search. Not ONLY did they open it, but they ripped open the packaging and took samples of the clay. THEN, I found a fake human SKULL in the suitcase. Evidently the boys got a fucking CSI kit. And the SPHINCTER thought putting that shit in a suitcase to send it home was okay. THAT IS WHY THEIR PLANE WAS 1 1/2 HOURS LATE LEAVING. They had to test the damned clay and make sure it wasn't an actual skull in their suitcase.
MY EX HUSBAND IS POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST HUMAN EVER.
And ATA airlines are ASS MUNCHERS.
OH! And I overheard a man say this as he walked past the baggage carousel: "Well, the FINALLY found my FISH!"
WTF?
So, my Mom is nuts. She comes out with these random assed demands and comments that are just not normal. The other day she told me:
"I had a dream that my mother was alive again."
Me: Uh-huh...
Mom: She was young and beautiful again..
Me: Well....she was young once, but beautiful?
Mom: WELL! I THOUGHT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL WHEN I WAS A CHILD!
Me: Uh-huh..
Mom: In my dream, she was beckoning to me....she was saying, 'come to me...come...come....come be with me...."
Me: Uhhhh....creepy...
Mom: She wanted me to be with her.
Me: Mom...she's dead. She wanted you to be dead with her?
Mom: Yeah!
Me: Well,that's disturbing..
Mom: No...it's not. She just wants me....
Me: Dude...she's DEAD. Are you saying your mother is trying to kill you? Like her ghost? Her spirit?
Mom: Well, not KILL me...but she wants me to come be with her.
Me: Uhhhhh...so.....she doesn't want to KILL you, but she wants you DEAD....
Mom: yeah! But i can't go yet.
Me: you can't?
Mom: Oh, no!
Me: Uhhhh...dare I ask why?
Mom: I have work to do , still!
Me: Do you think Grandma's ghost CARES? Or is she going to take that under advisement?
Mom: Oh. i don't know.
And that was our whole freakin' conversation.
Then, we were walking through a department store the other day, and we were walking through the lingerie department. She sees a beautiful peignoir set. It had a totally worthless bed jacket. It was gorgeous, but that was all it was good for...the beauty of it. It was sheer white, white very pale roses embroidered on it and it cost almost $200 for just the little bolero-like bed jacket. She stopped in front of it and tells me, Sanford and my father who she is separated from, but still married to:
"When I'm dying, and in the hospital...I want to wear this set. Okay? OKAY? DO YOU YEAR ME? PROMISE?'
I said, "Sure...then we'll ship you off to a cheap ass hourly hotel downtown and have KFC delivered to you everday..."
Now, she isn't ill...she is in her early 60s..no reason for this shit.
Now, on to the real business. I have my boys back. We had to go pick them up in Dallas. At DFW. Big airport, right? My ex...(AKA: Sphincter) paid to fly the boys home on some dipshit airline called "ATA". Sanford calls it "Mohammed ATA" airline. (Mohammed Atta was one of the 9/11 hijackers). Anyhow, we get to the airport in PLENTY..and I do mean PUUUUUULEEEEEEEHHHHNNNTY of time. I go up to FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING DIPSHIT ASS SUCKING ATA airlines ticket counter. I tell them I'm picking up two minor children. They check their little ticky tack computer...sure enough, my two children are on the plane. Great. Excellent. Good to know. Plane is a little late. Fine. We pretty much expect that now-a-days, don't we? Then the stupid assed fucking bitch woman working the desk who evidently relishes this part of her job says..."Says here one of the kids is 14..."
Me: Yes. one of them is. The other is 11. Can i please get a pass to meet them at the gate?
Fucking whore bitch: No. The extra fee wasn't paid to classify them as "unaccompanied minors" The 14 year old is considered an adult accompanying the 11 year old. They will have to find their way to the baggage claim.
Me: Excuse me? They can't possibly find their way to the baggage claim from the gate by themselves. They are expecting me to be at the gate to meet them. They are children. The last time I was able to meet them. I'll give you my driver's license, my wallet, my purse..whatever you wish....but I need to be able to meet them at the gate, please.
Fucking whore assed bitch who thought she was in charge: No. You can't go. Wait at baggage claim. NEXT.
Me: What? This is ridiculous. Is there someone I can speak with?
Now, this is when you realize airports will have your ass escorted right the hell out of airports these days. My fucking name is on the homeland security list because I attempted to buy medicine from our arch nemesis CANADA....no way they'll let ME do anything. Damned assholes. However, a delivery truck was parked outside the terminal for 2 hours. Comforting.
So, we meanwhile tried to contact that effin' goddamned airline everyway we could...meanwhile...their incompetent ticket counter fucking CLOSED..it wasn't even 7pm yet. THEY CLOSED. Their plane lands. The way DFW is set up, you can't see the gates...people are coming through the revolving doors...pretty soon, nobody else is coming through...I am getting a sick feeling in my stomach. Sanford goes to tell the security people...their response was "You'll have to call the airlines 800 number..." He said "Fuck that" and called 911 and reported two missing children in the airport.
Meanwhile, I found the hapless baggage agent and and went up to him and said
"You get on your phone, you call the gate and you find my two children, and do NOT tell me to go to your worthless counter, it's closed...my two children are missing and I'll tear this airport apart if they are not in my arms in two minutes..." He never said a word, but picked up his phone and then said, "Are they 11 and 14?" and I said, "Yes." and he said, "They are being brought up...they were lost.."
FUCKING LOST. the 11 year old was in tears. They came through the revolving doors and into my arms and I find out they had asked flight attendants, the gate agent and several other people where they were to go. NOBODY helped them. They finally found a security guard who showed them where to go. People kept telling them "Baggage claim E31" Swell. WHERE THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!? I am so mad STILL.
THEN...we get home and I start unpacking their suitcases and there is a notice from the NTSA stating that the suitcase had been hand searched. Inside was two hunks of modeling clay. Hmmmm...in an X-ray it happens to look like C4. No wonder they had to hand search. Not ONLY did they open it, but they ripped open the packaging and took samples of the clay. THEN, I found a fake human SKULL in the suitcase. Evidently the boys got a fucking CSI kit. And the SPHINCTER thought putting that shit in a suitcase to send it home was okay. THAT IS WHY THEIR PLANE WAS 1 1/2 HOURS LATE LEAVING. They had to test the damned clay and make sure it wasn't an actual skull in their suitcase.
MY EX HUSBAND IS POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST HUMAN EVER.
And ATA airlines are ASS MUNCHERS.
OH! And I overheard a man say this as he walked past the baggage carousel: "Well, the FINALLY found my FISH!"
June 24, 2007
June 24, 2007
More television musings....
So, it's summer, i have more time..TV is on more often.
I'm ADDICTED to "Dirty Jobs". And Mike Rowe has just proven my assertion that monkeys are EVIL, DIRTY, MEAN AND NASTY WRETCHED CREATURES. People are being attacked and mutilated by monkeys on that show. I could have told them that. I have monkey stories, people. Real, personal, actual monkey stories. Painful, but true. They are now on a satellite phone begging to be taken out of the place where they are...like begging for air strikes and backup and shit. Monkeys ARE SATANIC. They are "pinned down" by a monkey named "Patty". The lady who owns the monkeys is holding the psychotic monkey looking into the window at the men in their beds. It's HORRIFIC.
Anyhow, another show I've become totally addicted to is "the Deadliest Catch". Why? I LOVE IT. I've watched it over and over and watched the "making of" episode and everything. I WANNA BE A CRAB FISHERMAN! I have become addicted to the online game on Discovery.com. i don't play computer games. Tonight a new show about driving 18 wheelers on ice starts. I'M ATREMBLE with excitement!
This is sad. We leave in a couple of weeks for England. What will I do if the Ice Truckers season is still going on? I don't know how to record on that DVR crap!
I have a headache, but I don't want to miss this "Dirty Jobs" or the "Ice Truckers" later. How pathetic. OH! And "Cash Cab"! I SO wanna get in that cab! I can ace it!
My no longer married, but really actually married, but separated, no longer living together parents came over together. I don't even know. Don't ask. We go to lunch,
Mom: You treat me to lunch, okay? (she said to my Dad..."
Him: Yeah...
Mom: I'll buy dessert...
Jesus Murphy, they are married. I'm confused. I'm going to watch the horrid monkeys.
Oh don't message me or comment on how wondrous monkeys are. Don't wanna hear it. You don't know what heinous inhumanities I've suffered at the hands of monkeys. So suck it.
More television musings....
So, it's summer, i have more time..TV is on more often.
I'm ADDICTED to "Dirty Jobs". And Mike Rowe has just proven my assertion that monkeys are EVIL, DIRTY, MEAN AND NASTY WRETCHED CREATURES. People are being attacked and mutilated by monkeys on that show. I could have told them that. I have monkey stories, people. Real, personal, actual monkey stories. Painful, but true. They are now on a satellite phone begging to be taken out of the place where they are...like begging for air strikes and backup and shit. Monkeys ARE SATANIC. They are "pinned down" by a monkey named "Patty". The lady who owns the monkeys is holding the psychotic monkey looking into the window at the men in their beds. It's HORRIFIC.
Anyhow, another show I've become totally addicted to is "the Deadliest Catch". Why? I LOVE IT. I've watched it over and over and watched the "making of" episode and everything. I WANNA BE A CRAB FISHERMAN! I have become addicted to the online game on Discovery.com. i don't play computer games. Tonight a new show about driving 18 wheelers on ice starts. I'M ATREMBLE with excitement!
This is sad. We leave in a couple of weeks for England. What will I do if the Ice Truckers season is still going on? I don't know how to record on that DVR crap!
I have a headache, but I don't want to miss this "Dirty Jobs" or the "Ice Truckers" later. How pathetic. OH! And "Cash Cab"! I SO wanna get in that cab! I can ace it!
My no longer married, but really actually married, but separated, no longer living together parents came over together. I don't even know. Don't ask. We go to lunch,
Mom: You treat me to lunch, okay? (she said to my Dad..."
Him: Yeah...
Mom: I'll buy dessert...
Jesus Murphy, they are married. I'm confused. I'm going to watch the horrid monkeys.
Oh don't message me or comment on how wondrous monkeys are. Don't wanna hear it. You don't know what heinous inhumanities I've suffered at the hands of monkeys. So suck it.
June 22, 2007
June 22, 2007
I want my babies
So, we got our puppy back. But my sons are still up north with the Sphincter. ( I just realized tonight that I start a substantial amount of my Blogs with: "So...") I think I start a lot of conversations that way, too. Anyhow, my boys have been gone for two weeks, now. It's not natural, I tell you! I gave birth to them, they've been with me for their entire lives, and it's not right for them to be gone from me for so long! There was a time it was the three of us (me and the two boys) alone against the world! When they were babies and toddlers, they were permanently attached to me physically, for God's sake! I wore them in slings on my body!
*sigh* I don't normally *sigh* like that. But hell....*sigh* I talk to them everyday on the phone....we discuss every little thing...they've been worried about Dixie and are very relieved that we found her....they are very disgusted that their step-sister is taking Driver's Ed....they are terrified that I've gone through their bedrooms and thrown everything away....they haven't been taken to do even 1/4 of what the Sphincter promised to take them to do...(of course). I doubt they are bathing regularly or brushing their teeth, but I know they are eating and getting as many video games as they can play. (Oh what a relief.)
The eldest tries to sound very nonchalant, and who knows? Perhaps he is quite nonchalant and carefree and would happily live with inanimate objects and strangers forever and never need me or have the need to hug me or hear me say "I love you" again. Who knows? Perhaps that is how freeing it is to be almost 15 and male. I know he'd happily never bathe again...but it has always been my job to thwart him...at least that is what he thinks.
My phone conversations with him go like this:
Me: Hi, Sweetie! (then I'll realize I sound too perky and try to tone it down...) I mean...Hey..there...Hi...Um, Hey.
Him: Uh, hey Mom...mumble mumble grumble.smack smack chomp mumble
Me: How are you? Are you doing okay?
Him: Huh? Whu? Uh...mumble mumble *distorted noises and muffled sounds*
Me: What? I couldn't hear you...I miss you! Are you having fun?
Him: What? oh, yeah. yeah.
Me: What?
Him: Huh?
Me: i said: I miss you. Are you okay?
Him: Yeah..you need to relax, mom....I mean..mumble mumble mumble smack smack
Me: Are you eating something?
Him: Huh? Smack....smack....
Me: Nevermind...what have you been doing?
Him: Nuthin'. mumble mumble....yeah...hit the right arrow..now hit the mumble mumble...no..not like that....here give it to me...what?
Me: Are you playing a video game while you're on the phone?
Him: Huh? No! I told you not to go down that hall! The thousand headed troglodyte of doom is down there! You need the flame thrower with twelve lives to defeat him!
What? No. I'm not playing a video game, why?
Me: Well, I love you...is your brother ready to talk to me now?
Him: Who? NOOOO!!!!!!! Not THAT button! I TOLD you!!!!!
Me: Dude. Put your brother on the phone.
Him: Yeah. Ok. Love ya, Mom.
Me: I love you, too.
Then the youngest gets on the phone;
Him: Hi Mommy!
Me: Hey, Baby!
Him: I think it's going to thunderstorm here, and there is a tornado warning for the two counties over from us...do you think I should go in the storm cellar?
Me: No...not if your Dad thinks it's okay. If the storm is far away, don't worry. Are you having fun?
Him: Yeah! We went to the lake, and we rode some horses and we rode go-karts and we have done lots of stuff! Granny is going to take us to the movies, too!
Me: Good. Make your brother leave the video games and go with you, though, okay?
Him: Right.
Me: So, what are you going to do tomorrow? Anything fun?
Him: hang on. i'll go ask.
Me: No! Don't go ask...wait!
to late. he puts the phone down and leaves to go ask.
he comes back a few minutes later to tell me:
Him: We're not sure what we'll do yet. When am i coming home? I miss you.
One more week. I just gotta hold out one more week. I tell ya, this ain't natural.
I want my babies
So, we got our puppy back. But my sons are still up north with the Sphincter. ( I just realized tonight that I start a substantial amount of my Blogs with: "So...") I think I start a lot of conversations that way, too. Anyhow, my boys have been gone for two weeks, now. It's not natural, I tell you! I gave birth to them, they've been with me for their entire lives, and it's not right for them to be gone from me for so long! There was a time it was the three of us (me and the two boys) alone against the world! When they were babies and toddlers, they were permanently attached to me physically, for God's sake! I wore them in slings on my body!
*sigh* I don't normally *sigh* like that. But hell....*sigh* I talk to them everyday on the phone....we discuss every little thing...they've been worried about Dixie and are very relieved that we found her....they are very disgusted that their step-sister is taking Driver's Ed....they are terrified that I've gone through their bedrooms and thrown everything away....they haven't been taken to do even 1/4 of what the Sphincter promised to take them to do...(of course). I doubt they are bathing regularly or brushing their teeth, but I know they are eating and getting as many video games as they can play. (Oh what a relief.)
The eldest tries to sound very nonchalant, and who knows? Perhaps he is quite nonchalant and carefree and would happily live with inanimate objects and strangers forever and never need me or have the need to hug me or hear me say "I love you" again. Who knows? Perhaps that is how freeing it is to be almost 15 and male. I know he'd happily never bathe again...but it has always been my job to thwart him...at least that is what he thinks.
My phone conversations with him go like this:
Me: Hi, Sweetie! (then I'll realize I sound too perky and try to tone it down...) I mean...Hey..there...Hi...Um, Hey.
Him: Uh, hey Mom...mumble mumble grumble.smack smack chomp mumble
Me: How are you? Are you doing okay?
Him: Huh? Whu? Uh...mumble mumble *distorted noises and muffled sounds*
Me: What? I couldn't hear you...I miss you! Are you having fun?
Him: What? oh, yeah. yeah.
Me: What?
Him: Huh?
Me: i said: I miss you. Are you okay?
Him: Yeah..you need to relax, mom....I mean..mumble mumble mumble smack smack
Me: Are you eating something?
Him: Huh? Smack....smack....
Me: Nevermind...what have you been doing?
Him: Nuthin'. mumble mumble....yeah...hit the right arrow..now hit the mumble mumble...no..not like that....here give it to me...what?
Me: Are you playing a video game while you're on the phone?
Him: Huh? No! I told you not to go down that hall! The thousand headed troglodyte of doom is down there! You need the flame thrower with twelve lives to defeat him!
What? No. I'm not playing a video game, why?
Me: Well, I love you...is your brother ready to talk to me now?
Him: Who? NOOOO!!!!!!! Not THAT button! I TOLD you!!!!!
Me: Dude. Put your brother on the phone.
Him: Yeah. Ok. Love ya, Mom.
Me: I love you, too.
Then the youngest gets on the phone;
Him: Hi Mommy!
Me: Hey, Baby!
Him: I think it's going to thunderstorm here, and there is a tornado warning for the two counties over from us...do you think I should go in the storm cellar?
Me: No...not if your Dad thinks it's okay. If the storm is far away, don't worry. Are you having fun?
Him: Yeah! We went to the lake, and we rode some horses and we rode go-karts and we have done lots of stuff! Granny is going to take us to the movies, too!
Me: Good. Make your brother leave the video games and go with you, though, okay?
Him: Right.
Me: So, what are you going to do tomorrow? Anything fun?
Him: hang on. i'll go ask.
Me: No! Don't go ask...wait!
to late. he puts the phone down and leaves to go ask.
he comes back a few minutes later to tell me:
Him: We're not sure what we'll do yet. When am i coming home? I miss you.
One more week. I just gotta hold out one more week. I tell ya, this ain't natural.
June 21, 2007
June 21, 2007
Found
I guess the theme of this is: NEVER GIVE UP.
We found our Dixie. Today. 11 days after she went missing. She looked like absolute CRAP, but we have her back. According to the vet, she has conjunctivitis; swollen lymph nodes, and lots of cockle burrs, but she hasn't lost weight, she isn't dehydrated and somehow, she managed to stay alive amongst coyotes and other wild animals.
She is on antibiotics and eye antibiotics now, she's been bathed, had a drastic haircut and has been sleeping like a baby.
She was in an area about 30 miles away from our house stuck underneath a rock and some bird netting. We got two calls this morning from people who had seen our signs and ads and they said they had seen a Yorkie but she ran from them and they told us the approximate area.
We hauled ass over there, and my Mom did the same since she is closer to that area, and we all met up in the area and began a foot search screaming her name.
My nephew (who is 6) was with me and my daughter, and it was beginning to thunder and rain and we reached a corner and he stopped and I looked down at him and he had his hands pressed together in prayer and his lips were moving and his eyes were closed. I said, "What are you doing, Sweetie?" and he silently continued his prayer. Then he finished, opened his eyes and looked at me and said, "I was prayin' to get Dixie back, Auntie..."
We had already walked past this particular area, and right then, my daughter said, "Why....look at that little face..." and there was Dixie peeking at us from under a rock. It was a miracle that she saw her. It really was. Dixie never made a sound. Not a peep. We were calling her, whistling...she never made a sound.
We all began slowly walking up toward the flower bed, and a man walked out on the porch of the house next door. He said, "Hello there...we've been afraid she'd run off...." It was like they were expecting us. We got up to the flower bed and I picked up the rock and realized it was tangled up in the bird netting, too. I picked up Dixie, and we couldn't get the netting untangled from her tags on her harness. She was so covered in cockle burrs and she had mucus in her eyes...but it was Dixie...I asked the man next door if he could please get some scissors so we could cut through the netting. He quickly got a box cutter. He said he had been keeping his eyes open for her because he knew that there was a Yorkie missing.
All behind the houses was wild country with no fences and just mesquite bushes and cactus. I don't know how the 5 pound baby did it, but she travelled probably more than 10 miles. We've had horrible weather during the time she's been out, and the rain is probably why she wasn't dehydrated. I hate to think what she's eaten, but she is a brave, tough little dog. I can't believe she didn't get swarmed by fire ants or any other horrible thing.
We've spent the day taking care of her, and thanking people who helped find her and spread the word about her. We've called all the animal shelters, animal rescues and kind people who have helped us, and I can't even begin to describe how many kind people out there who have helped us locate Dixie. Her Microchip number is now registered*duh*.
It's amazing how our collective mood changed in a split second. Thanks to all of you who spared thoughts and prayers for Dixie's safe return.
Currently listening:
Home
By Dixie Chicks
Found
I guess the theme of this is: NEVER GIVE UP.
We found our Dixie. Today. 11 days after she went missing. She looked like absolute CRAP, but we have her back. According to the vet, she has conjunctivitis; swollen lymph nodes, and lots of cockle burrs, but she hasn't lost weight, she isn't dehydrated and somehow, she managed to stay alive amongst coyotes and other wild animals.
She is on antibiotics and eye antibiotics now, she's been bathed, had a drastic haircut and has been sleeping like a baby.
She was in an area about 30 miles away from our house stuck underneath a rock and some bird netting. We got two calls this morning from people who had seen our signs and ads and they said they had seen a Yorkie but she ran from them and they told us the approximate area.
We hauled ass over there, and my Mom did the same since she is closer to that area, and we all met up in the area and began a foot search screaming her name.
My nephew (who is 6) was with me and my daughter, and it was beginning to thunder and rain and we reached a corner and he stopped and I looked down at him and he had his hands pressed together in prayer and his lips were moving and his eyes were closed. I said, "What are you doing, Sweetie?" and he silently continued his prayer. Then he finished, opened his eyes and looked at me and said, "I was prayin' to get Dixie back, Auntie..."
We had already walked past this particular area, and right then, my daughter said, "Why....look at that little face..." and there was Dixie peeking at us from under a rock. It was a miracle that she saw her. It really was. Dixie never made a sound. Not a peep. We were calling her, whistling...she never made a sound.
We all began slowly walking up toward the flower bed, and a man walked out on the porch of the house next door. He said, "Hello there...we've been afraid she'd run off...." It was like they were expecting us. We got up to the flower bed and I picked up the rock and realized it was tangled up in the bird netting, too. I picked up Dixie, and we couldn't get the netting untangled from her tags on her harness. She was so covered in cockle burrs and she had mucus in her eyes...but it was Dixie...I asked the man next door if he could please get some scissors so we could cut through the netting. He quickly got a box cutter. He said he had been keeping his eyes open for her because he knew that there was a Yorkie missing.
All behind the houses was wild country with no fences and just mesquite bushes and cactus. I don't know how the 5 pound baby did it, but she travelled probably more than 10 miles. We've had horrible weather during the time she's been out, and the rain is probably why she wasn't dehydrated. I hate to think what she's eaten, but she is a brave, tough little dog. I can't believe she didn't get swarmed by fire ants or any other horrible thing.
We've spent the day taking care of her, and thanking people who helped find her and spread the word about her. We've called all the animal shelters, animal rescues and kind people who have helped us, and I can't even begin to describe how many kind people out there who have helped us locate Dixie. Her Microchip number is now registered*duh*.
It's amazing how our collective mood changed in a split second. Thanks to all of you who spared thoughts and prayers for Dixie's safe return.
Currently listening:
Home
By Dixie Chicks
June 17, 2007
June 17, 2007
Current mood: sad
Category: Pets and Animals
So, we had to go out of town. We left two of our dogs home and had someone come in and check on them. We have a dog door, so they were able to get in and out, etc. However, our smallest dog...the Yorkshire Terrier...we took over to my Mom's house. We felt that she would be better off with people all the time. She is less than 5 pounds and very spoiled and we just felt that she needed extra care, right?
Well...on the 5th day we were gone, my Mom calls me and says,
Mom: "What are you doing?"
Me: "We just got back from a museum...."
Mom: *sigh* "Oh, I just don't know how to tell you this......"
Me: Ohmygod. Tell me. Just tell me. What? What? OHMYGOD! WHAT?
Mom: Dixie got out. We can't find her. I just don't know what to do....
Me: Oh, shit. How long ago? Have you called her?
Mom: Ohhhhh...
Me: Just go outside and call her, she'll come. She's never run off before!
Mom: Ohhhhh......
Me: What? What? How long ago?
Mom: Yesterday morning.
Me: What?!?!? You mean MONDAY morning? And this is what? What? Tuesday evening????? Oh.my god!!!!!!! Well, we have to do something...we have to....ummmm..I have to well...she is microchipped and we have to call the vet and tell them she is missing and you have to put up signs and you have to...
Mom: We've put up signs and I'll call the vet right now..
So...I gave her our vet's name and number which the dog has on her harness, of course. Then, I had to tell Sanford. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of all the things that could have happened to a 4 pound Yorkie in the Texas hill country. How did she get out? Nobody knows. Nobody had seen her. We have combed every square acre, inch and millimeter of scrub brush from our house to my Mother's house for her. We have gotten people's permission to go on their property that is just wild empty country, we have looked for buzzards circling, we have gone at night with spotlights, we have literally done EVERYTHING we can do. And we now don't know what else to do. We have put up signs, we have offered rewards, we have put advertisements in area newspapers, we've put ads in internet publications....we've done EVERYTHING. Being microchipped is no good if nobody brings her in.
One couple claim they saw her 4 days ago on their ranch, so we spent yesterday combing 9 acres with absolutely no sign of her. And to have been there, she would have had to cross 2 busy state highways and then hoofed it over several acres of rough country.
She is so tiny, but very bossy. She is recently spayed, she is wearing a bright pink harness, and she doesn't have a typical Yorkie haircut. She answers to "Dixie". She is part of my heart. She was last seen in Georgetown, Texas...specifically the "Village" subdivision, which is near Sun City. There is a substantial reward for her safe return..no questions asked. Her tags say "Town and Country Vet" and have the phone number for the vet on them.
I won't even go into how Sanford is acting. That's for another Blog altogether.
Current mood: sad
Category: Pets and Animals
So, we had to go out of town. We left two of our dogs home and had someone come in and check on them. We have a dog door, so they were able to get in and out, etc. However, our smallest dog...the Yorkshire Terrier...we took over to my Mom's house. We felt that she would be better off with people all the time. She is less than 5 pounds and very spoiled and we just felt that she needed extra care, right?
Well...on the 5th day we were gone, my Mom calls me and says,
Mom: "What are you doing?"
Me: "We just got back from a museum...."
Mom: *sigh* "Oh, I just don't know how to tell you this......"
Me: Ohmygod. Tell me. Just tell me. What? What? OHMYGOD! WHAT?
Mom: Dixie got out. We can't find her. I just don't know what to do....
Me: Oh, shit. How long ago? Have you called her?
Mom: Ohhhhh...
Me: Just go outside and call her, she'll come. She's never run off before!
Mom: Ohhhhh......
Me: What? What? How long ago?
Mom: Yesterday morning.
Me: What?!?!? You mean MONDAY morning? And this is what? What? Tuesday evening????? Oh.my god!!!!!!! Well, we have to do something...we have to....ummmm..I have to well...she is microchipped and we have to call the vet and tell them she is missing and you have to put up signs and you have to...
Mom: We've put up signs and I'll call the vet right now..
So...I gave her our vet's name and number which the dog has on her harness, of course. Then, I had to tell Sanford. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of all the things that could have happened to a 4 pound Yorkie in the Texas hill country. How did she get out? Nobody knows. Nobody had seen her. We have combed every square acre, inch and millimeter of scrub brush from our house to my Mother's house for her. We have gotten people's permission to go on their property that is just wild empty country, we have looked for buzzards circling, we have gone at night with spotlights, we have literally done EVERYTHING we can do. And we now don't know what else to do. We have put up signs, we have offered rewards, we have put advertisements in area newspapers, we've put ads in internet publications....we've done EVERYTHING. Being microchipped is no good if nobody brings her in.
One couple claim they saw her 4 days ago on their ranch, so we spent yesterday combing 9 acres with absolutely no sign of her. And to have been there, she would have had to cross 2 busy state highways and then hoofed it over several acres of rough country.
She is so tiny, but very bossy. She is recently spayed, she is wearing a bright pink harness, and she doesn't have a typical Yorkie haircut. She answers to "Dixie". She is part of my heart. She was last seen in Georgetown, Texas...specifically the "Village" subdivision, which is near Sun City. There is a substantial reward for her safe return..no questions asked. Her tags say "Town and Country Vet" and have the phone number for the vet on them.
I won't even go into how Sanford is acting. That's for another Blog altogether.
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