August 21, 2007

August 21, 2007

Ooohhh La La!

So, I like fashion and makeup and skin care and SHOES and BAGS and SHOES and MAKEUP and BAGS and SHOES and stuff, right? But I don't consider myself to be someone capable of giving anyone a makeover or anything. I think I have good taste and that I'm capable of cleaning myself up to a degree that I can be taken out occasionally. I've been told that I have (AND I FREAKIN' QUOTE) "Exquisite" taste, and also that I am (and if you know me at ALL you'll pee yourself laughing at this one...) I am "elegant". *snort* So. Basically, I KNOW what I'm supposed to do, and what is what..but I also couldn't care less most of the time. Right? Ok.

For instance...today's high fashion ensemble consisted of...lemme think..OH YEAH...we had a day where we could be crappy dressed because we were working in our rooms...so I wore pink Chuck Taylors that are pretty flippin' old, denim capri jeans, a black top that was once a Japanese kimono so it has these awesome crazy sleeves you could hide a family of 12 in, and oh...my socks were "way too obvious and thick" according to my daughter. Basically...that's me. And my boss told me never to wear that shirt to work for real because it falls off my shoulder....you know...a la' "Flashdance". It doesn't fall off on purpose....but I wear one of those bandeau bras or no bra because..hey...I can. Evidently people thought it was a "look". No...it was available and clean and they were taking our pictures today but only from the shoulders up. Face and hair were presentable. Or as good as they get, anyhow.

What this is leading up to is this: I don't give a rip about fashion unless it's something in particular I fixate on......like BAGS or SHOES..or SHAWLS AND SCARVES. When it comes to men's clothing...hell....put it on Josh Bernstein or Clive Owen and that'll do.
HOWEVER....whilst(very English, no?) in England, my daughter and I noticed a fashion trend amongst European males. Please GOD...do not let it catch on in the US.

PLEASE. GOD. DO. NOT. LET. AMERICAN. MALES. START. WEARING. TIGHT.CAPRI. PANTS.

There. I said it. I don't care what anyone thinks. A dude wearing capri pants at ALL is creepy. Bermuda shorts....worn CORRECTLY...totally hot. CAPRI PANTS...VERY ICK. People, the dudes in Europe were wearing the HELL out of Capri pants. And it's not pretty. Or handsome. Or fetching. Or anything good or appealing. Here's why:

1. It shows your spindly, hairy legs. Not good.
2. It shows your spindly hairLESS legs. You are a dude. You should have hairy legs.
3. It shows your package. Please. Ugh. Just......please.
4. Refer to 3.
5. You.Are.A.Male. No Capri Pants for you. Wear shorts or real pants. Trousers...whatever you call them where you live. Capri pants are above your ankle, and form fitting...they aren't cargo shorts...you can't carry your ...well your anything in your Capri pants. Hell...WEAR JEANS, PLEASE. Jesus, Mary and Joseph Schwartz on a Pogo stick, people!

Yes, I know where Capri is. I don't care what the effin' pants are named after. On men, they are "Fugly" pants.

Goodnight.

And OHMYGOD, don't get me started on SPEEDOS!!!!!! WEAR SWIM TRUNKS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Also, if you look like you have a black bathmat on your back.......wear a tshirt whilst enjoying the pleasures of the beach or pool. Be considerate of your fellow HUMAN BEINGS!

ok. i'm finished. for now.