Saturday, July 10, 2010

September 2, 2007

September 02, 2007
ETA: After writing this, I purchased probably over 100 of the oil companies products. They are to die for. Not even kidding here.

So, like I've said, I'm a makeup whore. I love junk you buy for your skin and makeup and stuff. Anyhow, I come across a lot of bizarre stuff as a result of my perusal of sites that are makeup/skincare related. I found one today that I really am quite puzzled by. I am not sure if I'm amazed that anyone really swallows this line of bullshit, or if I'm bowled over by intense admiration that anyone would have the cojones to actually attempt and be successful at selling this load of crap. I'm in a quandry, if you will.

However, people ARE buying this crap, and they are paying a pretty penny for it. Not as much as they are paying for La Mer, but still....a...pretty...penny. It's a place that mixes up scents. And bottles them. And gives them spooky gothic names and then gives them the most RIDICULOUS descriptions you've ever seen in your life and sells them to.....to....who? I don't know. I guess kids who are into the Goth scene and who have a lot of extra cash and who want to smell like:

(From the website):

"SHADWELL
Shadwell had turned out to be about five feet high and wore clothes which, no matter what they actually were, always turned up in your short-term memory as an old mackintosh. The old man may have all his own teeth, but only because no-one else could possibly have wanted them; just one of them, placed under the pillow, would have made the Tooth Fairy hand in its wand.

He appeared to live entirely on sweet tea, condensed milk, hand-rolled cigarettes, and a sort of sullen internal energy. Shadwell had a Cause, while he followed with the full resources of his soul and his Pensioner's Concessionary Travel Pass. He believed in it. It powered him like a turbine.

Roll-ups, mildewed raincoat, sweet tea, and condensed milk. "

So....if you wear this particular scent, you smell like handrolled cigarettes, a mildewed raincoat, sweet tea and condensed milk. Isn't that appealing?

Now...I love perfume...GOOD perfume. Actually, the only perfume I've been able to wear and not get a migraine is Hermes Rouge and Hermes Terre (which is a men's scent, but I still wear it because I don't care and it's to die for and you just want to eat it.)
And PEOPLE...SPRAY AND WALK AWAY. Easy. Spritz a tiny bit into the air, walk through the spritz and you are DONE. Don't spray yourself. For the love of God, don't do that to the rest of the people you'll come into contact with for the rest of the day. I guarantee you, you'll cause several to get blinding migraines if you do.

I can also use 100% natural essential oil, neat. But really only Lavender. My sniffer is so sensitive I can smell people come in a movie theater and tell you what fragrance they are wearing and where they are sitting and I'll have to leave to vomit. No lie. And cleaning products are almost worse. If anyone comes within a 5 mile radius of me wearing any Christian Dior Poison incarnation I pass out, and I'm convinced Giorgio is a Satanic plot. Plus, if you like the Poison crap, buy that Glade Potpourri air freshener. It's the same freakin' thing and loads cheaper. Spray the crap out of yourself with it. Live it up.

The only men's fragrance I can stomach (besides the obvious Hermes Terre) is Grey Flannel. It's driven me to lick men's necks. It's irresistible. I also have my own bottle of that. I am convinced it's an aphrodisiac. I think it's the only thing I've ever encountered that is an ACTUAL aphrodisiac, except for Mexican beer in Mexico and then you just have WAY too much and end up either asleep or throwing up or with a migraine. So...yeah. I have no idea how this has turned into a window into my sexual proclivities. I had no idea I HAD any sexual proclivities. But ANYhow...back to that crazy-assed perfume site...

It is huge..it has tons of blends of oils. Some sound interesting, and they have obviously worked quite hard...but who the HELL would want this????

"ROADHOUSE
Truck stop sleaze. Weedy dandelion and hops with a whiff of tobacco and hemp and a swirl of booziness.
.purchase 5ml.
.view cart / check out."

Oh, yes...please! I want to smell like a "truck stop sleaze"! Like Dandelions and beer and tobacco and pot and booze. AWESOME! I am going to get some of that for my daughter. That is what I'm going to do.

Anyhow, here is the website if you wanna check it out for yourself. Some of the stuff...like "Rose Cross" sounds good...but most of it....I dunno.

http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com/welcome.html
Currently listening:
The Best Of The Doors
By The Doors
Release date: 08 August, 2006

4 comments:

dizzymonkey said...

There is a woman here in Houston I know that makes perfume. She's the mom of one of my daughter's friends. There are a few things I really like that she makes, and I've even found something for my astonishingly picky mother who hasn't bought perfume since Avon discontinued her "brand" in 1973. I don't know how this woman can run a business selling perfume over the internet - it isn't like people buy the stuff because of the name, description or label. You have to SMELL it. Anyway, check out her site. She travels all over the state and has her stuff in a few boutiques in Houston and soon in Austin. If you're interested: http://www.fumme.com/

dizzymonkey said...

^^ This is Cherie, by the way. ;)

dizzymonkey said...

I just now saw that she sells samples for about $3.00. 5 of whatever you pick. So read the descriptions and order a sample pack if you're interested. Promise I'm not an investor in her venture.

http://www.shop.fumme.com/product.sc?productId=16&categoryId=18

Jacksmom said...

Ahhh! It's you! I couldn't figure out who Dizzymonkey was in Houston with an Ostrich staring at me. (I have a terrible problem with laughing like a crazed hyena when I see ostriches...I don't know why..) I'll check out the perfume lady! Thanks!