Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Hey you kids! Get offa my lawn!!!!!
Current mood: melancholy
So, I tried to make this MySpace crap all fancy and all that shit. What a crapload of ...of...what...crap, I guess. I can't get a music thingie to work, all the other shit looks like a ton of dogshit. It's just shit.

Yeah. I'm in a GREAT fuckin' mood. So, I had to go get some stuff from work so I could work from home tomorrow instead of going THERE to work, so I had Crazy McLunatic(A.K.A. my husband, A.K.A. "Sanford" because he is a trash-picker although he prefers the moniker "Dumpster Diver..whatever..) go with me to pick some stuff up. So, on the way home, we decide to pick up some crap fast food for supper for the kids or whattheHELLever, right? So I call the house. 3 kids at home, phones all OVER the damned house and nobody can answer the fucking phone. So, I call our daughter's freakin' damned CELL phone. THAT gets answered right the fuck away. So, we find out what they all want from nasty-assed McDonald's. Here's where it gets iffy. Sanford will NOT go through a drive-through anymore. Not since he verbally abused a young girl at Golden Fried Chicken. Not since then. (I'll need rest and Xanax to recount that particular episode.) Anyhow, he pulls in, parks and I said, "What...we have to actually GO INSIDE?" Sanford: Drive-thrus don't WORK!
Me: They do for me!
Sanford: Well they don't for me! Nothing works like it's supposed to! So we get out and GO IN!
Me: Ohmygod! You are an OLD MAN! You are a cranky assed old man!
(We were in the process of walking across the parking lot into the building during this conversation.) He was ahead of me so I said, "Wait up.."
and he looks over his shoulder and HOLLERS:
"HUH?!?!?!WHAT?!?!?!?WHALES?!?!?!?" (Have I mentioned the fool is DEAF as a friggin' post and won't get anything done about it?"
Anyhow I said, "NO! I said, WAIT! Why would I EVEN say WHALES out of nowhere like that? That doesn't even MAKE ANY SENSE! Quit being such an asshole and GET A GODDAMNED HEARING AIDE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!" So, we go slamming in to McDonald's in the midst of that conversation.
We thunder up to the counter where a poor, unsuspecting young girl was no doubt trembling in fear because she was new and was hoping against hope that there were not be anymore customers at McDonald's today. Well, too bad, Sweetie, you just hit the jackpot of shitty customers. So, I rationally and calmly begin to order the food. Well, Sanford barrels up behind me with his day-glo yellow t-shirt on and his hair is all disheveled from the wind and it is literally standing up on end and he looks like something out of a horror movie. He interrupts me and starts hollering (like people who are losing their hearing tend to do....) "Did you start ordering yet?!?!? Because I want..." and he realized I was staring at him in mortification...because he hollers "What?!?!?!?!" I said, "Yes, I am ordering, just a minute and we'll get to you..."
He grumbles and growls like some effin' caveman. Anyhow, the girl naturally messed up the order, but we caught it when she read it back to us, and it was fixed. So, she gave us our cups, we went to fill them while they got the food ready.
Here is where being in the drive-thru would have been better. There were 2 of us, and 5 large cups to fill. Do the math. Sanford couldn't.
Then, when we tried to put lids on the cups, they did not have lids that fit those cups inside the "restaurant". But you damned well KNOW they have them in the drive-thru. So, Sanford is (and I swear to GOD I am not exaggerating this...) he is picking up every single size of lid they have and SMASHING them down on the cups as hard as he can without smashing the cups themselves. He is cursing LOUDLY and when he cannot make a lid fit, he THROWS it at the soda machine.
I was hissing through my teeth at him "STOP IT, YOU ARE ACTING INSANE. STOP IT THIS INSTANT. I MEAN IT! I SWEAR, IF THEY CALL THE POLICE, I WILL DO NOTHING TO HELP YOU." He figures since he is a retired police officer, he is not going to get into any trouble by being insane in public.
So, they give him the bags of food, I have ALL of the drinks, and we now have to trudge BACK outside to the vehicle to drive home. Since the drink tray I had only held 4 drinks, that left one extra, so he SLAMMED it into a backseat drink tray, and the lid popped off. (Naturally, since the lid didn't fit in the first place....) When that happened, he started cussing loudly and threw the bags of food onto the floor of the vehicle, where all the fries fell out of the bags.
When he got into the car and started driving AGGRESSIVELY home, I told him that he was a mean, cranky old man. He would be happy if we would all agree to eat canned beef stew or chili every single night. That is what he eats during the day while I'm working and the kids are at school. That and "Ready Rice" and goddamned Salmon in a bag. Nasty man. When our children are grown and have children, our grandchildren will never want to come here because he will be such a cranky old bastard.

He never wears shoes. He wears sandals all year. Even if there is ice on the ground. And we've had two ice storms this year. I am married to a strange, odd little man with excessive body hair who has a real problem with his temper in public. But he is so well-loved in our community that people want him to be Mayor. I shudder at the thought. His underwear are just elastic waistbands with threads hanging off of them. He will not wear new ones even when I buy them. He is like Howard Hughes. I'm surprised he doesn't wear Kleenex boxes on his feet for shoes. He goes out in public in tshirts with holes in them. The children are horrified, I'm horrified, and he just shrugs. He has plenty of clothes, but he doesn't care. He just wears stuff that's ruined. He is slowly driving me mad.

I despair.
Currently listening:
Welcome Interstate Managers
By Fountains of Wayne
Release date: 10 June, 2003