October 26, 2004

2004-10-26
Is that a rawhide chew in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
What the fuck am I coughing UP, anyhow?
Holy crap, I am hacking and coughing like Doc Holliday. Enough already...I'm a young, healthy woman!

Anyhow, it's making me cranky as hell to be coughing all the time and have to pull out a freakin' inHALEr like some fool and suck on it. I don't even have asthma, but the flippin' doctor gave me an inHALEr.

My dog looks like a savage beast. He is a really cute Westhighland White Terrier, but he's quite horribly naughty, which is one of the many reasons I find him superior to all other canines in the world.
Anyhow, Sanford found some damned dog chew bones that turn BRIGHT red when the dog spit gets on them. How fucking brilliant is THAT? What dipshit thought THAT up?
I mean, what sort of braindead dumbass thought,
"Hey...you know, those rawhide chew toys for dogs just aren't gross ENOUGH when they get all chewed up and dog-spitty...let's kick it up a notch as that asshole Emeril would say....let's make them look BLOODY!"

So I get home this afternoon, and there is my wee little miscreant on the floor growling and chewing on a chewtoy and acting as though every last living, breathing creature on Earth was plotting maniacally to get that chew toy away from him. So, I sweetly call to him...and he looks up at me with that really absurd little cute, quizzical face dogs get..you know...when they cock their heads to one side and look at you like they are saying "HUH?"
Well, he did THAT look only one of his top lips was stuck up over his canine teeth, (well, I guess they are ALL canine teeth on him..but you know..the Dracula pointy ones...) a la Dick Cheney...and he had what appeared to be BLOOD all over his mouth, his fur and his snout. Just all the fuck over his mouth area.

I stopped and looked at him. He looked at me. I said: "Hey. Dude. You have blood all over your face."

He looked at me. I looked at him. I stepped towards him, he lunged at me and growled...beause you know...he assumed I wanted that lovely tasty saliva covered rawhide piece of crap.

I sidestepped him and asked Sanford what the hell was wrong with my darling puppy. "Oh! I got these cool bones that turn red like blood!"

Well done, love of my life. Well done.