October 31, 2004

2004-10-31

Una Cerveza, Por Favor!

So. We went to work at the fall festival for my angel niece and nephew's school. My dear sweet sibling who happens to be their father had me scheduled to work at the PETTING ZOO. Assmunch.

Nice thing is...my family doesn't even live in the same damned town as we do. So we had to like..TRAVEL to the deal. So we did, because I am a superior giver type of a person. And my niece and nephew think I am a perfect person in every single way, so who am I to burst their bubble? Oh, and we were having my Mom's birthday party, too. So I had to do that, too.

Anyhow, I had my geeky inhaler in my pocket just so that I felt like an idiot. I was really sort of nervous that a goose or goat would get it and eat it because I've had very bad experiences in the past with Petting Zoo goats and geese. Much to painful to relate at this point in time, actually...
So, we get there, and we work at the Petting Zoo with the itty bitty miniature goats who were so fucking cute you wanted to just pack them up and carry them around like a chihuahua puppy or something.

I had to push this one man inside the festival who was videotaping his monster children in the fake jail because he was in the way and babbling in some language I'd never heard and he was taking up the whole hallway to videotape his kids YELLING 'HELP! OUT! OUT WE WANT!!!!" and I had two small children I was carrying on my hips to the bathroom, and I had said, "Excuse me..." like 4 times...and dude was totally IGNORING me...so I said, "Awwright then...." and I used my knee to push into the back of his knees and he sorta did that rubbery flailing thing people do when you do that to them.

He was so into directing his goddamned Academy Award fake jail at the fall festival movie with his monster felon children that nobody could get past him and he didn't fucking care...so I had to do what I had to do. Plus, you know...I am surrounded by cops at all times...I figure a real cop trumps a fake cop anyday. Not that that makes a damned bit of sense at all....but still.
I had a REAL cops kids who needed to pee and I needed to pee..and this dude was an ASSHOLE.
So, that was exciting. He never knew what hit him. He didn't drop his fancy ass camera or anything. He just left his stinky ass B.O. wafting in the air above him as he regained his balance and about 100 people were able to FUCKING FINALLY move past his sorry ass.

PartII. We take my family to dinner. We get shitty waiter #2,003,345.
We ordered our drinks. Easy stuff. Iced teas, juice for the kids. My dad throws a curve into it by ordering a beer on tap from the bar. No biggie. The place has a bar. So, like ohhhh I don't know....2 hours later, here come our drinks...but no beer. And the dude says..."Can I get y'all anything else?" and my Dad, (who is a cranky old bastard) says..."Yep. You kin git mah beer." And waiter says: "Oh. Yeah. That. Well, you'll have to wait. The bar is backed up." So we look around and there is like NOBODY in the place. It's fairly early still. And my Dad goes..."Oh! Is that rat? Backed up, you say?" And the dumbass waiter decides to dig himself deeper and he says.."Well, the bartender is ALSO waiting tables...SIR."
And so I said, "Well that's stupid as hell, you want me to go draw the damned beer?" So, Sanford grabs my leg under the table to signal me to shut the fuck up. So, I do. Because I'm a sweet, biddable wife.

Waiter dude spins around and sashays off. Food comes. THEN the beer comes. Dad goes: "Well that's a hell of a deal....no head on this beer." Then he sips it. "GAAAH! It's warm!"
I said, "Drink the damned beer and be glad of it."
so he did. And we ate and we waited 30 minutes after we finished for the check, and my brother had to take the kids home(which got him out of helping pay, naturally...) and then we had to get the manager to track down dumbass waiter boy. So bad tip night.
Not fun. Not enjoyable. My tea was good, though!

Then I had a huge political argument with my Mom, Dad and brother. Thanks to Sanford. Thank you, my darling husband who I will choke in your sleep tonight.