November 3, 2004

- 2004-11-03

Don't worry, I won't say I saw your ass...


Don't even talk to me about this whole election....
.
THING.


Moving on.....

So we went to the effin' Olive Garden for supper tonight. Whoopee. Anyhow, first of all, I had to pee really bad, so the first thing I do when we get inside is go to the ladies' room. I am sitting on the toilet, peeing...all is right except for the fucking PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION...but I digress...
I am sitting there pissing. And I am pissing along quite happily..and I must have SHIFTED or something, because this was one of those automatic toilets...and I hear this weird sort of "really pissed off / or in major heat-cat" sound.
It started down behind me and low down by the floor..and it was this sort of high pitched whiney growl thing. It started quiet and got louder...I couldn't figure out WHAT THE FUCK..I almost jumped up and ran out of there with my pants around my ankles, i swear to God. So, I am getting ready for a proper wig-out because I hear the "wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" sound.

I somehow manage to maintain some semblance of reserve and stay seated long enough to realize that it is NOT a cat trapped behind the toilet..but it is in fact, the actual TOILET making this bizarre noise. I am telling you I deserve a fuckin medal for not running out of there with my pants down. I was freaked out when I heard that sound start. After a couple of seconds I could tell it wasn't a cat, of course. But at first...at first I'm tellin' ya...it was close.

Remember dumbass jerk-off dickwad dude nurse from last week who left me to die all alone after a breathing treatment in the doctor's office?
And how he was oh so witty and said he wouldn't act like he knew me if he ever saw me in public? Beause you know, he sees everyone'a asses and all that?

Guess who was standing right next to us as we waited for our table at Olive Garden?
Guess. I'll wait. Mmmmmmm...nope.
Try again.

Yes! It was dude nurse asshole buttmunch! He was standing there with his woman acting all nauseating for us all to see. They were pawing each other which made me queasy. They are each like 7 feet tall. Anyhow, I said, "Sanford! Look! It's dipshit who left me in the treatment room and forgot about me last week!"
And that is my story. We didn't interact or even acknowledge each other. Asshole. I wanted to moon him really badly. But I figured that would be frowned upon.

Falling asleep, nightie night!