January 11, 2005

2005-01-11

I'm gonna be a Bounty Hunter

Yeah, so I know people have been biting their nails anxiously awaiting another installment of my life.

Well, here it is. My boobs are fanFUCKINGtastic. I have urges to show them to strangers, but I have resisted said urges. Let's see...what else is new in my world?

I haven't been hired yet. So, pretty much I feel like a colossal loser. I got new furniture, though! It's kick ass.

I've considered becoming a bounty hunter. I've been watching a lot of TV which I am convinced is rotting my brain. I never had time to watch TV before, so now since I'm bummed at being a loser and all, I am watching it. Anyhow, there is this show with this bounty hunter on it. And he goes after people who have skipped out on their bail...and he gets them. I figure since Sanford is a retired cop, he can you know, aid me...tell me if what I'm doing is illegal or whatever...I have a freakin' arsenal of weapons already. I have several of my own guns, and then Sanford has like weird guns that require tripods and crap.

There are tons of scumbags in this town. There are TONS of bailbondsmen, and Sanford KNOWS ALL OF THEM FOR SOME REASON. We'll be at the grocery store looking at apples or some crap and I'll hear..."HEY!!!!! Sanford!! (only they'll say his real name, of course...) Yo! how's you doin'?"
and then Sanford gets all....all..like...STREET. Which makes me very uncomfortable...he like MORPHS right there...usually I wander off when that happens because it freaks me out...but then later I'll say"who was that?" Sanford will say.."Oh, that was Sewer Magee..." or some name like that..and I'll say..."SEWER? What kind of name is SEWER?" and he'll say, "Oh, it's his professional name...he's a bondsman..."
like it makes sense or some shit.

BAHAHA! Get THIS. The other day, he told me..."When I was on the force, my street name was..."MOCASSIN."

I said..."You lie. That's the dumbest street name I ever heard." I think it hurt his feelings...because I few minutes later he said, "Well, on the force they called me "Ice Man"
Which cracked my shit up...because he is SO NOT an "ice man". He is panic boy. He is "throw his computer across the room because he can't figure it out man"

He is "stare at answering machine and yell "Hello" at it man"

But he is NOT "ice man".
So I said, "Why Ice Man"?
he goes...get this..."Because when there was like murder and mayhem going on, I didn't really care, and on the radio I'd sound calm and once they heard me slurp from a soda on the radio as I was driving Code 3 to a shooting."

I call that "Who gives a shit Man"