March 3, 2005

2005-03-03

For the Well ENDOWED man...

Sorry I had to leave ya hanging like that. I had to blow my nose. And that turned into a couple of days worth of nose blowing. I hate having a cold, because it always seems to be only on like ONE side of my head. Of course, if I am in bed, then the side I'm lying on (laying on?) is clogged. So, I'll turn over and let it s-l-o-w-l-y drain into the other side of my head. That's how I have fun these days....of course, I did get to go to the "slut store"...so back to that.

When I picked up the elephant sized cock ring and laughing hysterically waved it in the air for my friend to see, my "liquid virgin" friend stood up, smiled at me (why was everyone crouching behind shelves anyhow?)
and waggled his eyebrows at me. Now, I'm sorry, he may be a well endowed man, I don't know...but there is NO normal human being that could fit this contraption. There just isn't.

I have to give a hearty congratulations to whoever designed that as a marketing ploy, though. I mean...what man ISN'T going to buy that? Come ON! Just like those "Magnum Condoms" that were for the generously endowed man.
One time, I was at the pharmacy and I was waiting for my prescription and since I'm a nosy bitch..I was watching people...because that's what I do best...anyhow....the condoms are always right near the prescription area.
So, I'm sitting there and this little tiny very old asian man walks up to the condom selection. He had to get very close to the boxes and squint at them because he couldn't see very well. But hey...he was a believer in safe sex.
He was a responsible person, right? Right! Kudos to him!
So, he is looking at the boxes of Trojans and whatever all of them are called..and he reads the boxes and discards them one by one....ribbed? Nope. Extra lube? Not good enough for this testosterone oozing Lethario...he keeps looking. I was sitting in the complimentary chairs for sick people...and I'm watching this little old man. He kept shuffling back and forth...he was FASCINATING. I was enTHRALLED by his quest for the perfect rubber.
So, he bends down, tilting his head back a bit so he can look through his bifocals...baring his teeth a little bit , then he reaches out a palsied hand and picks up a box that says "MAGNUM" on it.
He reads that box intently....now those condoms were supposed to be for big peckers. Really big peckers. Peckers SO big that regular rubbers are TOO TIGHT. Usually, the selection of Magnum condoms is probably pretty full, because as you and I both know...the incidence of really BIG peckers is sadly pretty infrequent.

Well, evidently, that was the holy grail of rubbers for little dude. He slapped the box in the palm of his hand as if to say: "Yes! Finally I have found you! "

He took not one but TWO boxes, and proceeded to the pharmacy cashier.

I wanted to stand up and cheer. I mean really. This was optimism at it's finest!

Where was I? I can't remember how I got onto the subject of the little dude buying big rubbers....anyhow...

Now I'm wondering if the Slut store sold condoms? Huh. I wonder.

I haven't even BEGUN to describe the VIBRATORS. I had no idea vibrators were as widely used as they are. I was involved in a conversation where one woman asked for recommendations for a vibrator. I had nothing to offer, since I have never owned, nor used one. I have only used real men. So...I figured the advice would be pretty scarce.

OH HOW WRONG I WAS. Evidently, none of you bastards have told me that everyone on the damned planet except me uses vibrators. I was really pretty shocked. I don't shock really easily, either. But it was sort of like finding out your Grandmother was a hooker or something. So, then I see the VARIETY of vibrators available, and that will take a whole entry to do it justice. I stood in open mouthed stunned wonder and stupefaction.

If I had seen the little Japanese man, I would have passed out, but luckily I didn't see him at the slut store.