Friday, July 9, 2010

Monday, February 12, 2007

Monday, February 19, 2007

What Better Place to Die Than At Home?
Current mood: morose
So, my parents aren't getting "divorced", now. They are just staying separated because of some financial reason. It's all a big bunch of crap, but whatever. I am a 41 year old woman from a broken home.

My brother and I cannot talk any reason into my Mother. My husband can't talk any reason into her. It's like she is on some awesome drug or something. She totally has lost touch with all reality. But what really blew me away...totally and completely...and this was like...man...I expected a camera crew to appear. I really did. We were sitting at the dinner table, and my brother said, "Ask her when she's going to let him come home..." and he did his psycho eye thing at me. (He can do this weird assed psycho thing with his eyes..it's scary as hell...I don't know what it is...) And then when I didn't like holler "When are you letting him come home?" he immediately said, "ASK HER!" so I did. And she sighed real dramatically and said, "Oh my God...fine...I'll tell her...I told your FATHER that he can come back home when he's dying."

I was in the process of putting a bite of brisket into my mouth and it fell out of my mouth because my mouth just stayed open. I looked at my brother. He was just nodding and had this wild weird smile on his face. My husband had cringed and covered his face with his hands, and my Mother was happily forking garlic cheese grits into her pie hole as fast as she could.

Note: The following is all hollered simultaneously.
Me: "What.the.HELL?!?!?!? When he's DYING?!?!?! Oh.my.God! What the hell is your problem?"
Mom: "What? What's wrong with that? I don't think anyone should die in a hospital."
Brother: "I'd like a date on that death thing....I need to like KNOW when it's going down...because I can't live with this thing hanging over my head like this...."
Husband: "Now, now.....no, nobody should die alone....that's true....what? Well..."
Me: "You know he'll say he's dying like...TOMORROW! He'll be all laid up in here tomorrow! That is stupid!"
Mom: "What better place to DIE than at HOME?"
Brother: "THE HOSPITAL!"

(At this point, the conversation slowed down a little bit. But we still talk at the same time.)
Brother: "Look, we've seen lots of people dead at home in our line of work and it AIN'T PRETTY!!!!!!!, RIGHT?" (he was saying that to my husband. They are in the same profession.)
Husband: "Well, that's true,too.....can get pretty messy...body fluids all over the place..."
Me: "OHMYGAWD! SHUTUP! JESUS MURPHY! CAN YOU NOT BE ASSHOLES FOR ONE MINUTE?"

Mom: "Do you all want me to be destitute?"
Son #1: " A PROSTITUTE?!?!?!? GrandMA!"
Me: "She didn't say PROSTITUTE, for the love of God, she said destitute! And NO we don't want you to be destitute, and you won't be, you know that, you're being overly dramatic!"
Son#1: "Whew, I thought she said she was gonna be a PROSTITUTE, and I just wanna weigh in here and say that isn't cool at ALL, Grandma."
Son#2: "So when Grandpa comes back here, he'll die?"
All of the adults: "NO!"
Mom: "Would you please pass me the salad?"
Me: "What? The WHAT? Are you crazy? How can you be just chowin' down on salad and talking about letting people come into this house to die? What a nice memory for the kids, by the way. "Oh yeah, that is where we let people die....."
Brother: Still nodding his head crazily....

So. She clarified. When my Dad is TERMINAL. He can come back home to die. But he doesn't have a disease. She used the word TERMINAL. He had a heart transplant in 2001, but he does not have any diseases. He doesn't take proper care of himself, but he isn't sick. So I don't know where this is coming from.

It's just the usual weird assed shit in my family. It's why I love sleep.
Currently listening:
Vivaldi: The Four Seasons
By Antonio Vivaldi
Release date: 25 October, 1990

1 comment:

dizzymonkey said...

Holy shit. And I thought my husband's family was fucked up. This is the kind of shit that goes down at the dinnertable on a fairly regular basis. They aren't happy unless they're getting all telenovela on each other with an audience.